Tuesday, October 19, 2010
planning the shoot
What a thankless job I have. It all sounds totally glam but in reality its just house girl duties
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Eat, Pray, Love
Yes well this one I have to add to my don't believe the hype pile.
There it joins, The Alchemist, life of pi and frozen yogurt.
I remember a few years ago, everybody on the tube was reading the alchemist so I decided to get myself a copy and see what all the hype was about.
I read it, it was an easy enough read but nothing earth shattering. My good friend was breathlessly gushing about how the book had changed her life. I was not convinced at the time that she was not just quoting Richard and Judy.
I remember she looked tres superior and slightly sneering when she told me "I don't think you understood the book". I am not a snob but I remember thinking that she dropped out of school at 16 so it couldn't be my A in English she was questioning. I graciously said that perhaps I didn't. She took the pains to explain the whole idea that sometimes you go looking for happiness and fulfilment all over the globe but it was right in your back yard. I then had to explain that I got that, it was not news to me. So why would my mind set alter drastically ????
Again with the Eat, Pray, Love. I get the whole in a rut thing. I also get the whole fear holds you back from being happy thing. I also am a huge fan of all things Julia and don't get me started on Penelope Cruz husband (i forget his name for the moment). I loved the movie.....did it change my life though? NO!!! I usually agree with Oprah on everything but on this I've gots to say "nice movie great entertainment value, brilliantly executed but earth shattering it is not!!!!"
There it joins, The Alchemist, life of pi and frozen yogurt.
I remember a few years ago, everybody on the tube was reading the alchemist so I decided to get myself a copy and see what all the hype was about.
I read it, it was an easy enough read but nothing earth shattering. My good friend was breathlessly gushing about how the book had changed her life. I was not convinced at the time that she was not just quoting Richard and Judy.
I remember she looked tres superior and slightly sneering when she told me "I don't think you understood the book". I am not a snob but I remember thinking that she dropped out of school at 16 so it couldn't be my A in English she was questioning. I graciously said that perhaps I didn't. She took the pains to explain the whole idea that sometimes you go looking for happiness and fulfilment all over the globe but it was right in your back yard. I then had to explain that I got that, it was not news to me. So why would my mind set alter drastically ????
Again with the Eat, Pray, Love. I get the whole in a rut thing. I also get the whole fear holds you back from being happy thing. I also am a huge fan of all things Julia and don't get me started on Penelope Cruz husband (i forget his name for the moment). I loved the movie.....did it change my life though? NO!!! I usually agree with Oprah on everything but on this I've gots to say "nice movie great entertainment value, brilliantly executed but earth shattering it is not!!!!"
Get him to the Greek
There is nothing better than discovering some random movie that entertains the hell out you. As a good citizen I have to let you guys know about it.
The spin off of Forgetting Sarah Marchall (not sure of spelling) called get him to the greek. Russel brand is Aldous snow the rock star do we remember him and it has that guy Jonah hill in it.
Despite the fact that I am not a fan of all things skinny, I love Russell. Always have. Any movie I see him in he cracks me up. I am not sure if the chap is acting or if its his normal personality (which I suspect) but he is his hilarious and he carries this film well.
With cameo's from Puffy (NO HE CAN'T ACT) and all sorts of other fab peps it was a great way to spend my evening.
I don't know if its coz I had been drinking since noon but it's just too funny and I recommend it.
The spin off of Forgetting Sarah Marchall (not sure of spelling) called get him to the greek. Russel brand is Aldous snow the rock star do we remember him and it has that guy Jonah hill in it.
Despite the fact that I am not a fan of all things skinny, I love Russell. Always have. Any movie I see him in he cracks me up. I am not sure if the chap is acting or if its his normal personality (which I suspect) but he is his hilarious and he carries this film well.
With cameo's from Puffy (NO HE CAN'T ACT) and all sorts of other fab peps it was a great way to spend my evening.
I don't know if its coz I had been drinking since noon but it's just too funny and I recommend it.
Abuja bombs on Independance day
It's all so weird. I feel so far removed from this. I may as well be in another continent hearing about bombs in Abuja.
MEND have been at it again and on Independence day two bombs exploded in Eagle square.
The boy was supposed to go for a meeting in Abuja which got cancelled coz of bomb threats in the Abuja area.
I hate terrorism. I am still trying to work out under what circumstances terrorism has actually worked.......anybody?
It has never to my limited knowledge actually caused change!!!!!!
There has to be another way, just can't work out what.
MEND have been at it again and on Independence day two bombs exploded in Eagle square.
The boy was supposed to go for a meeting in Abuja which got cancelled coz of bomb threats in the Abuja area.
I hate terrorism. I am still trying to work out under what circumstances terrorism has actually worked.......anybody?
It has never to my limited knowledge actually caused change!!!!!!
There has to be another way, just can't work out what.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Fcuk the police
I got the most amazing phone call today and I was so disturbed by what I heard I thought I needed to share it with you.
My girlfriend called to tell me about a disturbing trip she took to the police station. Her baby sister (we all grew up together so very near and dear to me) had apparently been getting knocked about by her husband of two years. My friend, being from the educated abroad did what any self respecting citizen and owner of a beloved younger sister would do, called the police.
Her first contact in the police apparently told her not to bother coz the police do not handle domestic issues. Her second contact managed to pull a few favours so her brother in law got picked up by the popo. I think the term they used was "he was invited to come down to the station".
Horrid little place on the main land. His whole family had gathered there buy the time they got there. Her sister expected to go down make a statement and have it on record that he had beat her. He apparently had a nasty habit of spitting in her face for goodness sakes.
Anyway, the woman police did not actually allow her sister to finish her account of the attack she Had suffered that morning. She interrupted to let her know the she had not heard anything that was cause for them coming in to the police station.
Then she proceeded for about an hour to give her life story. First by quoting from the marriage ceremony and daring any member of the family to try and put asunder what the good Lord himself had brought together.
Then she told them all about her good for nothing husband who drank too much and stole her money, like anybody gave a crap!!! The story I loved the most though was the life story of the police guy who was there. He apparently had a whole MLK preachy thing going on. First suggesting that gossip was the evil that tore marriages apart (not abusive husbands apparently) then he told them his story and it went a little something like this...........
The year was 1980 something and one day his wife had provoked him so much that he wanted to beat her. In his anger he raised her up and threw her away like rubbish (at this point he did a bowa sound effect). Apparently she was knocked out for a few hours and he sat and watched her in a chair "sat down like a man" he said. When she came to she knelt down to him and asked him "if she had offended him" and he said "yes". Then she apologised like a good wife. He said from that day till today she (like a good wife) told nobody and they have been "happily" married ever since.
My girl could not believe what she was hearing (nor could I as I am sure you can imagine).
Due to the caliber of human beings in our police force it would appear that woman beating and being a battered spouse is normal activity. Reporting it to your family and asking for a better life for yourself is basically bad form.
Shocked, shocked and upset. Thank Goodness my friends family are supportive and understanding and have taken their baby under their wing. What of the poor woman that had nobody? Went into the police station to ask for help and got sent home 4 hours later after the polices amateur attempt at counselling to get murdered by her crazy spouse? What about her?
My girlfriend called to tell me about a disturbing trip she took to the police station. Her baby sister (we all grew up together so very near and dear to me) had apparently been getting knocked about by her husband of two years. My friend, being from the educated abroad did what any self respecting citizen and owner of a beloved younger sister would do, called the police.
Her first contact in the police apparently told her not to bother coz the police do not handle domestic issues. Her second contact managed to pull a few favours so her brother in law got picked up by the popo. I think the term they used was "he was invited to come down to the station".
Horrid little place on the main land. His whole family had gathered there buy the time they got there. Her sister expected to go down make a statement and have it on record that he had beat her. He apparently had a nasty habit of spitting in her face for goodness sakes.
Anyway, the woman police did not actually allow her sister to finish her account of the attack she Had suffered that morning. She interrupted to let her know the she had not heard anything that was cause for them coming in to the police station.
Then she proceeded for about an hour to give her life story. First by quoting from the marriage ceremony and daring any member of the family to try and put asunder what the good Lord himself had brought together.
Then she told them all about her good for nothing husband who drank too much and stole her money, like anybody gave a crap!!! The story I loved the most though was the life story of the police guy who was there. He apparently had a whole MLK preachy thing going on. First suggesting that gossip was the evil that tore marriages apart (not abusive husbands apparently) then he told them his story and it went a little something like this...........
The year was 1980 something and one day his wife had provoked him so much that he wanted to beat her. In his anger he raised her up and threw her away like rubbish (at this point he did a bowa sound effect). Apparently she was knocked out for a few hours and he sat and watched her in a chair "sat down like a man" he said. When she came to she knelt down to him and asked him "if she had offended him" and he said "yes". Then she apologised like a good wife. He said from that day till today she (like a good wife) told nobody and they have been "happily" married ever since.
My girl could not believe what she was hearing (nor could I as I am sure you can imagine).
Due to the caliber of human beings in our police force it would appear that woman beating and being a battered spouse is normal activity. Reporting it to your family and asking for a better life for yourself is basically bad form.
Shocked, shocked and upset. Thank Goodness my friends family are supportive and understanding and have taken their baby under their wing. What of the poor woman that had nobody? Went into the police station to ask for help and got sent home 4 hours later after the polices amateur attempt at counselling to get murdered by her crazy spouse? What about her?
Happy independence day
So we reached fifty and most of us feel like we have nothing to be proud of really.
We all seem to love to hate Nigeria. Its sad but true. I don't know enough to wax philosophical. My country seems on the verge of something just not sure what. It's either going to explode or we are going to start sorting it out. It seems clear to me that things can't go on as they are.
Most people have posted on FB "ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country" and I have decided this is going to have to be my attitude from now on.
Since I started working as the Style Editor (yes I put it in capitals I am soooo proud of self) at tW magazine (which btw celebrated 3 years in the biz last night) I have been reading the mag and what I have been amazed by is the number of quiet unsung hero's in my country. I am not talking about those that have it easy because of family money or have a big name behind them which allows them to own and oppress many people. I read about a London based Nigerian doctor whose sister died trying to get to medical help (this is not a rare occurrence in my country) so what does she do? She moves to Nigeria and begs borrows and steals and starts an air ambulance service in 3 states (to date) in Nigeria.
Did she moan and tell the whole world what a crap emergency service we have in this country? Yes I know that was me just a couple of months ago!!!! She did something about it. She has improved and saved many lives in the process.
I am more than ever inspired now to do better by my country.
Happy Independence day Nigeria.
We all seem to love to hate Nigeria. Its sad but true. I don't know enough to wax philosophical. My country seems on the verge of something just not sure what. It's either going to explode or we are going to start sorting it out. It seems clear to me that things can't go on as they are.
Most people have posted on FB "ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country" and I have decided this is going to have to be my attitude from now on.
Since I started working as the Style Editor (yes I put it in capitals I am soooo proud of self) at tW magazine (which btw celebrated 3 years in the biz last night) I have been reading the mag and what I have been amazed by is the number of quiet unsung hero's in my country. I am not talking about those that have it easy because of family money or have a big name behind them which allows them to own and oppress many people. I read about a London based Nigerian doctor whose sister died trying to get to medical help (this is not a rare occurrence in my country) so what does she do? She moves to Nigeria and begs borrows and steals and starts an air ambulance service in 3 states (to date) in Nigeria.
Did she moan and tell the whole world what a crap emergency service we have in this country? Yes I know that was me just a couple of months ago!!!! She did something about it. She has improved and saved many lives in the process.
I am more than ever inspired now to do better by my country.
Happy Independence day Nigeria.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
About an accent
Who says you can’t learn anything from television?
I was in front of the television watching a delightful b grade movie called “crimes of fashion”. You know one of those days nothing is on and you stumble upon a movie that’s just starting. Anyhoo, there was the pre-requisite trio of fab, witty intelligent and loyal BFF posse.
One of the girls, a feisty red head if memory serves said something and she used the word ‘about’ but pronounced it ‘aboot’ and I jumped up and shouted “eureka she is Canadian”. Why the excitement I hear you asking. Well it has always been something I am a little ashamed of , the fact that I can’t tell an American accent from a Canadian accent. It used to drive me a little mad. I love the fact that I can differentiate most of Europe....don't knock it. I still get asked if I have an Australian accent by Americans.
Anyway I would like to thank my teachers at "how I met your mother" for endlessly messing with their Canadian friend and tuning my ear in to this.
Now to conquer the Aussie and Kiwi accent and my quest to be a CIA agent is well on its way!!!!
I was in front of the television watching a delightful b grade movie called “crimes of fashion”. You know one of those days nothing is on and you stumble upon a movie that’s just starting. Anyhoo, there was the pre-requisite trio of fab, witty intelligent and loyal BFF posse.
One of the girls, a feisty red head if memory serves said something and she used the word ‘about’ but pronounced it ‘aboot’ and I jumped up and shouted “eureka she is Canadian”. Why the excitement I hear you asking. Well it has always been something I am a little ashamed of , the fact that I can’t tell an American accent from a Canadian accent. It used to drive me a little mad. I love the fact that I can differentiate most of Europe....don't knock it. I still get asked if I have an Australian accent by Americans.
Anyway I would like to thank my teachers at "how I met your mother" for endlessly messing with their Canadian friend and tuning my ear in to this.
Now to conquer the Aussie and Kiwi accent and my quest to be a CIA agent is well on its way!!!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
emma Nwawudu superstar
When your friends are doing amazing things you just have to give them props.
My girl Emma N has just finished the most amazing project with Anya Hindmarch UK handbag designer to make a limited edition "Nigeria is 50" commemorative bag. She shot the most amazing pictures and the bags are awesome.
Fact that she is being so modest about the whole thing is blowing me away too!!!
That was my Saturday BTW. Supporting my girl at the launch of her bag at temple muse. Another boozy day. Have to stop I am becoming such a lush.
Well done Mrs N
My girl Emma N has just finished the most amazing project with Anya Hindmarch UK handbag designer to make a limited edition "Nigeria is 50" commemorative bag. She shot the most amazing pictures and the bags are awesome.
Fact that she is being so modest about the whole thing is blowing me away too!!!
That was my Saturday BTW. Supporting my girl at the launch of her bag at temple muse. Another boozy day. Have to stop I am becoming such a lush.
Well done Mrs N
Fantastic weekend
I really have to get photos posted on this blog (when I work out how that goes you all will be the first to know).
I went for the Elite model search 2010 on Sunday evening (working backwards here). Sponsored by Moet, Mercedes, Temple muse and all that good stuff so you know I maintained a happy champers high the whole way through the event.
Forget the models on the catwalk, I have to take my fascinator off to the ladies of lasgiddy. AWESOME. We have not let petty trifling things like no lights, no water and dodgy roads stop us from pulling out all the stops. Being the owner of a single younger brother, I am always on the look out for potential candidates for sisterhood but some of the girls I don't think even he could handle ( and my brother gangsta).
It was a really well organised show. Choreography, the fashion (Jewel By Lisa we salute you) and the best girl won. Could not believe she was only 15 (will be locking mine up for sure at 12). I wish her good luck and hope to be seeing her in my international in style tres soon.
I went for the Elite model search 2010 on Sunday evening (working backwards here). Sponsored by Moet, Mercedes, Temple muse and all that good stuff so you know I maintained a happy champers high the whole way through the event.
Forget the models on the catwalk, I have to take my fascinator off to the ladies of lasgiddy. AWESOME. We have not let petty trifling things like no lights, no water and dodgy roads stop us from pulling out all the stops. Being the owner of a single younger brother, I am always on the look out for potential candidates for sisterhood but some of the girls I don't think even he could handle ( and my brother gangsta).
It was a really well organised show. Choreography, the fashion (Jewel By Lisa we salute you) and the best girl won. Could not believe she was only 15 (will be locking mine up for sure at 12). I wish her good luck and hope to be seeing her in my international in style tres soon.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
v.monologues vs tarzan monologues
Have just spent a pleasant afternoon at terra culture being thoroughly entertained.
It was hilarious and somewhat educational all at the same time.
My fave sketch is still "Sister Ester" who leaped out of her marriage bed to denounce the devils' hold over her body after experiencing her first orgasm!!!! Sister Ester finally decided that her vagina realising its full potential was its way of praising God. She was soon accompanying all her orgasms with a resounding and somewhat breathless "Hallelujah!!!"
There was some sad bits however dealing with domestic violence and war and rape and horrid things like that that brought a tear to the eye (which I refused to let drop as I had painstakingly used my stila smokey eye kit to make my eyes look just so).
There were defo some moments when I did not dare look at my boy. A few mentions about defending your woman against all enemies foreign and domestic....think we had that convo 24 hours before. Then some comments about nagging women that i thought he was laughing too hard about. That's another story though.
I do agree with the producer though, our artists do need a permanent home. A purpose built theatre for the enjoyment of the artists and the audience!!!!
It was hilarious and somewhat educational all at the same time.
My fave sketch is still "Sister Ester" who leaped out of her marriage bed to denounce the devils' hold over her body after experiencing her first orgasm!!!! Sister Ester finally decided that her vagina realising its full potential was its way of praising God. She was soon accompanying all her orgasms with a resounding and somewhat breathless "Hallelujah!!!"
There was some sad bits however dealing with domestic violence and war and rape and horrid things like that that brought a tear to the eye (which I refused to let drop as I had painstakingly used my stila smokey eye kit to make my eyes look just so).
There were defo some moments when I did not dare look at my boy. A few mentions about defending your woman against all enemies foreign and domestic....think we had that convo 24 hours before. Then some comments about nagging women that i thought he was laughing too hard about. That's another story though.
I do agree with the producer though, our artists do need a permanent home. A purpose built theatre for the enjoyment of the artists and the audience!!!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
lack of motivation
I have shamefully ignored my blog forever. I took it up as an exercise in practising my writing and so I shall continue.
Let's just consider it a really long summer break!!!
For those of you who don't know, I managed to get myself stuck in the overseas (England) after my little sisters' wedding in May (waiting on the private jet....best excuse EVER). The trauma of having to look after my pikni all by myself for a month was enough to keep me recovering in Lagos for two weeks. I do not know how my friends in the overs do it.
Every week I think "I am going to get back to writing my blog" but it just never happened and my excuses were flimsy.
What I have also noticed is that stuff that use to really upset me and stand out as outrageous, are now becoming the norm for me.
I no longer rant and rave in traffic. Instead I turn to my crackberry and catch up with all my mates all over the world.
My staff are no longer rotating and getting dismissed over the slightest infraction coz I now expect a level of bad manners from them!!! I no longer blame them.
My driver, the rude idiot, took me to the edge just the other day. I took great satisfaction in giving him a long ass lecture with words to the effect of....." It's not your fault you have no manners. I understand nobody took the time to bring you up right so therefore it's not your fault. All the small small slights you think you are showing me, thinking you are too big a man to help me carry heavy things or help me open doors or greet me properly, I take as a sign of your substandard education and upbringing. Bigger men than you treat me with respect. Bigger men than you can never dare talk to me like you do. So don't think that when I ignore what you do and how you talk it's because I am stupid and deserving of your bad manners. I do not engage you because you are not worthy of being engaged. Its as simple as that. Why don't you think about that over the weekend."
I must admit this did cause an attitude adjustment and get me (shock horror) an apology.
I promise to write more and to post some photos sooooonest. Especially now that I am getting out and about as a deputy style editor for a women mag!!!!
Let's just consider it a really long summer break!!!
For those of you who don't know, I managed to get myself stuck in the overseas (England) after my little sisters' wedding in May (waiting on the private jet....best excuse EVER). The trauma of having to look after my pikni all by myself for a month was enough to keep me recovering in Lagos for two weeks. I do not know how my friends in the overs do it.
Every week I think "I am going to get back to writing my blog" but it just never happened and my excuses were flimsy.
What I have also noticed is that stuff that use to really upset me and stand out as outrageous, are now becoming the norm for me.
I no longer rant and rave in traffic. Instead I turn to my crackberry and catch up with all my mates all over the world.
My staff are no longer rotating and getting dismissed over the slightest infraction coz I now expect a level of bad manners from them!!! I no longer blame them.
My driver, the rude idiot, took me to the edge just the other day. I took great satisfaction in giving him a long ass lecture with words to the effect of....." It's not your fault you have no manners. I understand nobody took the time to bring you up right so therefore it's not your fault. All the small small slights you think you are showing me, thinking you are too big a man to help me carry heavy things or help me open doors or greet me properly, I take as a sign of your substandard education and upbringing. Bigger men than you treat me with respect. Bigger men than you can never dare talk to me like you do. So don't think that when I ignore what you do and how you talk it's because I am stupid and deserving of your bad manners. I do not engage you because you are not worthy of being engaged. Its as simple as that. Why don't you think about that over the weekend."
I must admit this did cause an attitude adjustment and get me (shock horror) an apology.
I promise to write more and to post some photos sooooonest. Especially now that I am getting out and about as a deputy style editor for a women mag!!!!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Just don't get it
I understand that sometimes it's fashion over function, but you don't get to wear skin coloured tights in this tropical country!!! Just don't do it!!!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Miss Delta soap...love it
I had a surprisingly enjoyable night out last night. The Muson centre was host to the Miss Delta soap beauty pageant. The invitation said start time 6pm but my girl (and date) decided that 5.30 was the perfect time to head to nail place for a manicure pedicure (she was launching her jimmy choo's and she felt the pedicure could not let the side down). To cut a long story short she got to mine at 9.30ish and we got there just before 10. I was expecting the whole thing to be over, yet again I had managed to underestimate the Nigerian Late factor. Anyway we got there just in time. The contestants came down in their evening wear. Some designer (????) JD7 had put the poor creatures in ill fitting, positively horrid, unforgiving satin in garish colour which the poor things had to wiggle down the catwalk in. The hair and makeup was unremarkable but the best bit was the final 5 questions and answer session. I have to admit that some of the questions (who is your state senator, what are the colours of the Nigerian flag and who is the current president of USA) were a bit simple but Miss Anambra got a question about the difference between Good luck Jonathan's job as vice president and his job now as acting president and I must say she blew me away with her answer. All about having executive powers and being the commander in chief of blah blah blah. I thought she would have to win based on that alone. Miss Lagos won in the end. (Most thought this was political) She was a sassy number. The stranger next to me kept going on about how fat she was to which I wanted to reply "but you're ugly and there is nothing you can do about that". I kept my tongue coz she looked like she would fight dirty and as I am always saying I am all mouth and no trousers!!! She got a good cash prize and a brand spanking new BMW.
I really was quite proud at the moment when she got her crown. God willing another person’s life has been changed for the better by a locally grown locally sponsored event. We need more like this, where we can celebrate the brains and beauty of the diverse people of our country.
I may have said local a few too many times there. They really did it in grand style. The hall was beautifully decorated and there was pyrotechnics, live music and loads of drinks so well done.
On to my mini trauma of the night. We waited behind to do some hobnobbing as my girl is good friends with the owner of Orange drugs so we were there till the bitter end. A couple of girls behind us, obviously friends of the winner, were behind us doing the dance of joy. Suddenly I felt something splash on my upper arm. I turn around to see what it is and one of the girl's was quickly apologetic. I was still puzzled as I could not see what she could have possible thrown on me. I turn around again just in time to see her using a little piece of cardboard to scrape the sweat off her chest (where it was running like a river) and flick it away. It is now apparent what had landed on my arm and understandably, I thought, I freaked out a little. She gets all upset at me (WTF I'm the one who got contaminated) and comes over all aggressive with "I said I was sorry and I don't have eczema" I told her that I accepted her apology but I am still allowed to freak out. She starts mouthing off about treating people how you want to be treated reh reh reh and all I had to say was "In that case you should not have flicked your sweat all over me and I am done talking to you now!"
Was I wrong to freak out?
I really was quite proud at the moment when she got her crown. God willing another person’s life has been changed for the better by a locally grown locally sponsored event. We need more like this, where we can celebrate the brains and beauty of the diverse people of our country.
I may have said local a few too many times there. They really did it in grand style. The hall was beautifully decorated and there was pyrotechnics, live music and loads of drinks so well done.
On to my mini trauma of the night. We waited behind to do some hobnobbing as my girl is good friends with the owner of Orange drugs so we were there till the bitter end. A couple of girls behind us, obviously friends of the winner, were behind us doing the dance of joy. Suddenly I felt something splash on my upper arm. I turn around to see what it is and one of the girl's was quickly apologetic. I was still puzzled as I could not see what she could have possible thrown on me. I turn around again just in time to see her using a little piece of cardboard to scrape the sweat off her chest (where it was running like a river) and flick it away. It is now apparent what had landed on my arm and understandably, I thought, I freaked out a little. She gets all upset at me (WTF I'm the one who got contaminated) and comes over all aggressive with "I said I was sorry and I don't have eczema" I told her that I accepted her apology but I am still allowed to freak out. She starts mouthing off about treating people how you want to be treated reh reh reh and all I had to say was "In that case you should not have flicked your sweat all over me and I am done talking to you now!"
Was I wrong to freak out?
Friday, April 30, 2010
The shades of grey of crime
I was on the way back from the Gym today, on a new body sculpting regimen that is kicking my ass, so was not at my best. In the periphery I just got the impression that something strange was going on outside. I took a minute to work out what it was and it just seemed that all the street hawkers were doing a rabbit caught in the headlights routine. One minute they were ambling leisurely in my direction (its damn hot so the pace is normal) then they would stop, squint, pivot and belt it back the other way. It was a pitiful sight actually, there was this one woman with her baby on her back and fresh bread on the head but what I really noticed was the abundant breast swinging all over the place. Ou est la bra? I wanted to shout at her, but as you will soon see this was the least of her problems!!!! Having just come from the gym at this point one may have assumed that the eau de sweat I was giving off was a tad overpowering , upon turning around, however I saw a KAI (Kick against indiscipline) truck about 5 cars back and all became clear.
A little history (what a joke I have no idea but I will try and put it in prospective). Nigerians as a race have a reputation for being undisciplined. I am not talking just about in the huge important ways but also in small ways where they live like normal rules of conduct do not apply to them. Example......Cutting in line, not observing road traffic rules (they never wanna let you off the round about) and if we had bothered to follow the rest of the world, we would smoke right under a no smoking sign, its just the type of people we are. Ours is a country were many a times some long suffering landlord will have to paint a sign on the wall that says "please do not piss or defecate here!" If I have my facts right (haha) President Babangida (military ruler) started a movement called 'War against indiscipline'. I was away at school at the time but I remember my brother used to regale me with stories about unfortunate people hijacked mid pee and taken to jail!!!
So KAI, their job involves picking up illegal traders, so our streets can be clear of vermin. I despair though coz honestly I prefer them to at least be trading rather than car jacking etc. I just don't know how these people can get reintegrated into society!!!
My driver though was telling me that so long as you pay them in advance they will give you a heads up of when they will be in your area so you won't be etc etc. Corruption then has managed to get its tentacles into this organisation. Typical.
A little history (what a joke I have no idea but I will try and put it in prospective). Nigerians as a race have a reputation for being undisciplined. I am not talking just about in the huge important ways but also in small ways where they live like normal rules of conduct do not apply to them. Example......Cutting in line, not observing road traffic rules (they never wanna let you off the round about) and if we had bothered to follow the rest of the world, we would smoke right under a no smoking sign, its just the type of people we are. Ours is a country were many a times some long suffering landlord will have to paint a sign on the wall that says "please do not piss or defecate here!" If I have my facts right (haha) President Babangida (military ruler) started a movement called 'War against indiscipline'. I was away at school at the time but I remember my brother used to regale me with stories about unfortunate people hijacked mid pee and taken to jail!!!
So KAI, their job involves picking up illegal traders, so our streets can be clear of vermin. I despair though coz honestly I prefer them to at least be trading rather than car jacking etc. I just don't know how these people can get reintegrated into society!!!
My driver though was telling me that so long as you pay them in advance they will give you a heads up of when they will be in your area so you won't be etc etc. Corruption then has managed to get its tentacles into this organisation. Typical.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Those horrid horrid people at the british embassy
The title says it all. I used to be a pharmacist and so had to gain some very effective customer service skills. I can't begin to tell you how irate some patients get when they get to the dispensary and their medication is not ready. I think you can imagine that they have had a nasty day and all they want to do is get home and you are telling them there is a 30 min to 1 hour wait time. At this point you are most certainly in danger of physical bodily harm so letting the patient understand that you are doing ALL you can to get them home ASAP is vital.
The people at the British embassy have got it all wrong as far as I am concerned. They are performing a service for you (which you pay for) and therefore you are a customer. Why is it, please tell me that they manage to make you feel like something nasty they have to scrape off their shoe? It is most upsetting. I have never met a more annoying set of uptight, unhelpful, brain dead (I'm not allowed to swear so I'm a little lost for words here).
It's supposed to take 10 working day. I gave my passport in for a simple change of name last month it's still not ready and nobody is trying to make sure its ready for my flight in a few days time. Quelle horrer!!!! Where do they find these inbred people from????? I reckon Nigeria must be a punishment type assignment for embassy personnel as nobody seems happy to be there!!! horrid horrid people.
The people at the British embassy have got it all wrong as far as I am concerned. They are performing a service for you (which you pay for) and therefore you are a customer. Why is it, please tell me that they manage to make you feel like something nasty they have to scrape off their shoe? It is most upsetting. I have never met a more annoying set of uptight, unhelpful, brain dead (I'm not allowed to swear so I'm a little lost for words here).
It's supposed to take 10 working day. I gave my passport in for a simple change of name last month it's still not ready and nobody is trying to make sure its ready for my flight in a few days time. Quelle horrer!!!! Where do they find these inbred people from????? I reckon Nigeria must be a punishment type assignment for embassy personnel as nobody seems happy to be there!!! horrid horrid people.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Who's land is it anyway
Its hard to explain the lack of town planning in the Lagos tristate area. Parking outside of any major establishment is the cause of so much drama and road rage. This is one of the many reasons why most people need a driver. He drops you where you need to go, finds somewhere nearby to perch your car, plays musical cars with any other person at your establishment and then you call him to come get you when you are done.
This being Nigeria the local element have found a way to capitalise on this and they come out in their droves to "helpfully" park your car and "look after it" while you are in say the club or the cinema. You may have noticed the inverted commas....Let me tell you why.
I say helpfully coz most of these people can't drive, they yell all sorts of instructions at you and physically assault your car in their bid to get you parked. I hate parking and I am often get myself in quite a state trying to squeeze my car into a space my big toe couldn't get into. Now when you are reversing out into traffic they leap out there and stop the traffic so that you can get out. Or so you think. I was being directed to come out and I was doing so slowly but must admit I could see nothing of the oncoming traffic. The first I knew that I should not have taken this perfect strangers advice was when my car hit some other chaps. Luckily for me that day I was in some hot pants (I know but its just so damn hot) with big hair and big sunnys so when I came out looking like the heroine in a tragic movie saying "I am so sorry" the bloke took one look at me, shook his head in despair and got back into his car and drove off. Clearly he knew there would be no satisfaction gained from yelling at the dizzy girl so he left it!!!
Back to the parking. Often when you have come out of an establishment (this was silverbird cinemas on this particular day) you get into your car and it's immediately surrounded by the local talents claiming they helped you park and fought off a gang of car jackers on your behalf. Then you have to start looking for a suitable size tip for all their hard work. My driver usually directs me as to who the real "helpful" person was and then, if I have change, I give them a little something something. On this day in particular the chap was being terrible obnoxious and rude (they are borderline this all the time really they have an air of entitlement) my driver got so upset he finally told the guy to "clear out my friend, is it by force to give you money? What did you do" The guy was threatening us with never finding parking in the lasgiddy tristate area when my driver cut in with "Is this your land". I don't know why I thought this was so funny but I was laughing the whole way home.,
This being Nigeria the local element have found a way to capitalise on this and they come out in their droves to "helpfully" park your car and "look after it" while you are in say the club or the cinema. You may have noticed the inverted commas....Let me tell you why.
I say helpfully coz most of these people can't drive, they yell all sorts of instructions at you and physically assault your car in their bid to get you parked. I hate parking and I am often get myself in quite a state trying to squeeze my car into a space my big toe couldn't get into. Now when you are reversing out into traffic they leap out there and stop the traffic so that you can get out. Or so you think. I was being directed to come out and I was doing so slowly but must admit I could see nothing of the oncoming traffic. The first I knew that I should not have taken this perfect strangers advice was when my car hit some other chaps. Luckily for me that day I was in some hot pants (I know but its just so damn hot) with big hair and big sunnys so when I came out looking like the heroine in a tragic movie saying "I am so sorry" the bloke took one look at me, shook his head in despair and got back into his car and drove off. Clearly he knew there would be no satisfaction gained from yelling at the dizzy girl so he left it!!!
Back to the parking. Often when you have come out of an establishment (this was silverbird cinemas on this particular day) you get into your car and it's immediately surrounded by the local talents claiming they helped you park and fought off a gang of car jackers on your behalf. Then you have to start looking for a suitable size tip for all their hard work. My driver usually directs me as to who the real "helpful" person was and then, if I have change, I give them a little something something. On this day in particular the chap was being terrible obnoxious and rude (they are borderline this all the time really they have an air of entitlement) my driver got so upset he finally told the guy to "clear out my friend, is it by force to give you money? What did you do" The guy was threatening us with never finding parking in the lasgiddy tristate area when my driver cut in with "Is this your land". I don't know why I thought this was so funny but I was laughing the whole way home.,
Rain rain go away
I'm sure the farmers won't agree coz the rainy season has been decidedly absent thus far but it has come with a vengeance. It looked like a white out this afternoon and I had a glasses contact lens emergency that sent me to the optician. I could see the traffic on the major roads but I thought as I was only going 200 yards down my road and not hitting any major arterial roads it would be all good. How wrong was I? I took me a solid hour to get there. The flooding was terrible. Just glad my air conditioning was working and I had packed a book. This is it you know the beginning of the next few months of misery!!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
WAZOBIA mango story
I remember when I first came to Nigeria I actually couldn't understand the DJ's on wazobia (Come come come in the 3 main local dialects Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo in that order, clever I always thought). They speak proper pigeon English and at first I was finding it hard. Now 4 years later I love this station. First it's actually tres informative with loads of adverts on malaria treatment and how to protect your children. I also love the news stories about local tins going on in Nigeria. Case in point (embarrassing really as the guy is from my village area)guy has Mango tree in his garden and tis the season, these days many are found with sticks, stones and climbing to get at the good stuff. My guy decided however that sticks, stones and climbing were way to pedestrian for him so he got out his gun and started shooting the mango's!!!! WTF. Clearly he hadn't thought it through (you think?) coz you mango's not really big enough to weed out the shrapnel and get enough of the good stuff. This story only made the news however coz the gun backfired and killed him!!!!
My people, my people!!!!
My people, my people!!!!
Dust cloud the single chick maker
Can't believe what a small world it is. There are enough of us over here with our men stuck in London coz of some volcano in Iceland!!!!
I heard a story today about some poor chick, single mama who left her baby at home with nanny as she was planning a quick turn around to go sort out her ill mama in London. Talk about best laid plans.
My boy is not scheduled to come back for a good 10 days. Curse you volcano in Iceland.
I heard a story today about some poor chick, single mama who left her baby at home with nanny as she was planning a quick turn around to go sort out her ill mama in London. Talk about best laid plans.
My boy is not scheduled to come back for a good 10 days. Curse you volcano in Iceland.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sometimes the things you see while chilling in your car
Those of you who know me will know that I am no good to man, God or beast before noon. So messed up hormonally and otherwise am I in the hours before noon that I have to censor what I see and do.
Example. I do not read or watch the news before noon. Why? When I was working in London I, like every other commuter, used to devour the free METRO newspaper on my way into the office in the morning. I used to find however that I would be induced to TEARS (yes the shame) over some stupid human interest fodder that they had put in there. You know boy looses his life after saving little sister in fire etc etc!!!
Exhibit 2, I had to ban stupid channels like the Hallmark and the recently added to our MNet bouquet Universal channel. All those bloody tear jerking made for television movies with that chick from little house on the prairie used to do me in.
I don't know why this is but I respect it as so and I have taken steps to minimise my early morning traumas.
Imagine then if you will, I have dropped of the pickni at school, its about a quarter to 9 now and I am whizzing down Akin adesola when I see a guy in the central reservation. Whats wrong with that I hear you ask? Well I want to take you through the steps my poor, sluggish, hormonally challenged brain went through to the horrid conclusion. I first noted something was wrong because despite standing in the central reservation he did not have that "monitoring on coming traffic" look that one should have when caught in the central reservation. He had the Jacket and tie combo of someone who had somewhere to go but was acting like someone with nowhere to go. Then I noticed he had this vacant and rather disturbing look in his eye as we were passing him. This is where I explain that I was in a 4x4 so elevated off the ground and only observing him from the waist up. His vacant look though prompted me to take a closer look and that's when I saw it. When I say it I mean "it". He had his weaner out and was giving it a good work out right there in the central reservation!!! As an ex health professional I was wondering how this could be. This man had obviously had the wherewithal to get out of bed, put on a suit and head to work this morning...unless that is all part of his psychosis.
MY driver felt he had to explain the finer details of what the poor guy probably did to deserve such a fate. His fave theory was he must have slept with some Yoruba's mans wife (didn't know why he had to go tribal but that's the nature of the beast. I had no business engaging him in conversation).
Not sure what is upsetting me more, the fact that my drivers opinions are views of the vast majority (even my mama had some weird and wonderful theories) or that even if he gets picked up and taken to our psychiatric hospital he will probably be sedated for the rest of his time rather than "treated".
Example. I do not read or watch the news before noon. Why? When I was working in London I, like every other commuter, used to devour the free METRO newspaper on my way into the office in the morning. I used to find however that I would be induced to TEARS (yes the shame) over some stupid human interest fodder that they had put in there. You know boy looses his life after saving little sister in fire etc etc!!!
Exhibit 2, I had to ban stupid channels like the Hallmark and the recently added to our MNet bouquet Universal channel. All those bloody tear jerking made for television movies with that chick from little house on the prairie used to do me in.
I don't know why this is but I respect it as so and I have taken steps to minimise my early morning traumas.
Imagine then if you will, I have dropped of the pickni at school, its about a quarter to 9 now and I am whizzing down Akin adesola when I see a guy in the central reservation. Whats wrong with that I hear you ask? Well I want to take you through the steps my poor, sluggish, hormonally challenged brain went through to the horrid conclusion. I first noted something was wrong because despite standing in the central reservation he did not have that "monitoring on coming traffic" look that one should have when caught in the central reservation. He had the Jacket and tie combo of someone who had somewhere to go but was acting like someone with nowhere to go. Then I noticed he had this vacant and rather disturbing look in his eye as we were passing him. This is where I explain that I was in a 4x4 so elevated off the ground and only observing him from the waist up. His vacant look though prompted me to take a closer look and that's when I saw it. When I say it I mean "it". He had his weaner out and was giving it a good work out right there in the central reservation!!! As an ex health professional I was wondering how this could be. This man had obviously had the wherewithal to get out of bed, put on a suit and head to work this morning...unless that is all part of his psychosis.
MY driver felt he had to explain the finer details of what the poor guy probably did to deserve such a fate. His fave theory was he must have slept with some Yoruba's mans wife (didn't know why he had to go tribal but that's the nature of the beast. I had no business engaging him in conversation).
Not sure what is upsetting me more, the fact that my drivers opinions are views of the vast majority (even my mama had some weird and wonderful theories) or that even if he gets picked up and taken to our psychiatric hospital he will probably be sedated for the rest of his time rather than "treated".
Day light robbery
I decided to have a little cement step built outside my front door. This is the only solution I could come to for the big gaping hole under my front door. I will not traumatise you with the details of why I had a sudden emergency need to block up that whole. Those of you living in Nigeria will know exactly why. Those of you not, lets just say it had four legs, fur and went squeak the bastard.
Anyway my houseboy just came to me and told me it going to cost 2k!!! Bloody cheek!I know the guy was doing some work downstairs in the building and he borrowed (stole) the materials from there. I told my house boy to go tell him to behave. Houseboy comes back with, well he said he will do it for 1.5k but that's only because we speak the same language!!!! What does that mean for crying out loud. My mama who lives on the mainland is appalled at how expensive everything is on the Island. As soon as blue collared (too funny to call them that here as most wear dirty white wife beaters if anything at all) workers come to the island they triple their prices on account of all the money trees Islanders have in their back yards!!!!!
Anyway my houseboy just came to me and told me it going to cost 2k!!! Bloody cheek!I know the guy was doing some work downstairs in the building and he borrowed (stole) the materials from there. I told my house boy to go tell him to behave. Houseboy comes back with, well he said he will do it for 1.5k but that's only because we speak the same language!!!! What does that mean for crying out loud. My mama who lives on the mainland is appalled at how expensive everything is on the Island. As soon as blue collared (too funny to call them that here as most wear dirty white wife beaters if anything at all) workers come to the island they triple their prices on account of all the money trees Islanders have in their back yards!!!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My mama the hypocrite!!!!
The boy has been away for for a bit of a break (from me no doubt)and as usual I have collected my mama from her comfy home and brought her over to mine. My reasons are long and convoluted but can be distilled to the fact that since having my pickni I refuse to be the responsible adult on duty.
This morning, as I was tucking into tea and toast, she was getting agitated that my pickni was going to be late for school. Basically the pickni was ready and it was 8am and school starts at 8.30. She was going on about how she didn't want her grand baby suffering the humiliation of walking into class when all her classmates were already busy at school work(the pickni is 2 so I thought this was a bit much). She painted a grim picture (she is the original drama queen and if you knew me you would know I must have gotten it from somewhere). I finally had to break down and confess that although the gates at her school open at 8.30, school does not start till 9 but I could not let my staff know this (driver and nanny) so they would get her to school on time. I went on further to assure her that after the trauma of my childhood I would never take her to school late or pick her up late. At this point she wanted to know what childhood trauma I was referring too so I had to remind her.
I have one of the worst memories on the planet but one thing I do remember clearly was that before being sent off to boarding school my mother used to drop me off at school late EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! Having a mouth on me when my teacher used to tell me off (being about 7 years of age) I would remind her that there wasn't much I could do as its not like I was the one driving or anything. My mother went on about how it was hard being a single mother but I was having none of it. I was so fed up of getting punished for it that I actually remember after we had watched the nine o'clock news (now I think about it what was I doing up so late), I would beg my mum to go to bed so we could get to school on time. Finally we were outside the school gate this fateful day and I said I was not getting out of the car coz my teacher was going to punish me. My mama thought I was exaggerating but I was adamant that I was not getting out of the car, so she promised to come in and explain to the teacher. I got out of the car and she went off to park the car but by the time she got into the class room to explain to the teacher I was already facing the corner on my knees with my hands in the air!!!!!
Happy days.
This morning, as I was tucking into tea and toast, she was getting agitated that my pickni was going to be late for school. Basically the pickni was ready and it was 8am and school starts at 8.30. She was going on about how she didn't want her grand baby suffering the humiliation of walking into class when all her classmates were already busy at school work(the pickni is 2 so I thought this was a bit much). She painted a grim picture (she is the original drama queen and if you knew me you would know I must have gotten it from somewhere). I finally had to break down and confess that although the gates at her school open at 8.30, school does not start till 9 but I could not let my staff know this (driver and nanny) so they would get her to school on time. I went on further to assure her that after the trauma of my childhood I would never take her to school late or pick her up late. At this point she wanted to know what childhood trauma I was referring too so I had to remind her.
I have one of the worst memories on the planet but one thing I do remember clearly was that before being sent off to boarding school my mother used to drop me off at school late EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! Having a mouth on me when my teacher used to tell me off (being about 7 years of age) I would remind her that there wasn't much I could do as its not like I was the one driving or anything. My mother went on about how it was hard being a single mother but I was having none of it. I was so fed up of getting punished for it that I actually remember after we had watched the nine o'clock news (now I think about it what was I doing up so late), I would beg my mum to go to bed so we could get to school on time. Finally we were outside the school gate this fateful day and I said I was not getting out of the car coz my teacher was going to punish me. My mama thought I was exaggerating but I was adamant that I was not getting out of the car, so she promised to come in and explain to the teacher. I got out of the car and she went off to park the car but by the time she got into the class room to explain to the teacher I was already facing the corner on my knees with my hands in the air!!!!!
Happy days.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Clash of the Titans and the crackberry
Just watched it and loved it.
Nothing original but I took my mum and she practically jumped out of her chairs in excitement. Plus I want to marry Perseus.
But seriously, the boy has sworn off going to the cinema in Lasgiddy coz people are so badly behaved in the cinema. They talk to each other, they narrate the movie (which I occasionally find tres funny actually, especially in an action comedy movie) and they talk on their mobile phone!!!!
Hello"" (Pause)
"Hello can you hear me" (Pause)
"I'm in the cinema I'm watching that movie with Brad Pitt in it." (pause)
"O wa very good oh. The special effects are gen gen. So whats up?"
"No I can't make it blah blah blah."
A full scale conversation will ensue or better still the whole film is narrated over the phone.
The last time I forced the boy to come with me to watch a movie we were unfortunate to be in there with a teenage birthday party. Birthday girl was getting nuff calls and answering them with squeals of delight and telling everyone where she was etc etc. The boy (and he's a big one) got up out of his chair and evicted her, it was hilarious really.
Now the mobile phone has been taken over by the crackberry. I personally do not know why I would spend my hard earned money to go watch a movie and spend the whole time bb messaging someone else. If you had somewhere better to be then be there.
Missy behind us kept beep beep beeping and texting till I had to turn around and give her a gimlet stare. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that it was totally wasted on her (my gimlet stares are legendary and rarely need a follow up) so my friend had to let rip with "excuse me, we are trying to watch a movie over here or didn't you notice!!".
Slowly though society is fighting back against the crackberry bad manners. I heard some gist today I want to share with you both starring the crackberry.
1. Little girl driving big car run over buy GMC truck, killed, found holding her crackberry...true story.
2. Night out drinking, missy in the corner busy on crackberry ignoring everybody else at the table. Suddenly everybody on her table gets up and moves to the next table. Missy gets up to going them totally confused as to why everyone moved over. On arriving at new table the alpha dog said "Sorry, you can't sit here"
"What do you mean?"
"You clearly have something more important to be discussing so please go back to it."
"No it's not that"
"Don't care. You are too rude and you will not ruin our evening so go back to the other table and face your bb squarely!!"
Love it
Nothing original but I took my mum and she practically jumped out of her chairs in excitement. Plus I want to marry Perseus.
But seriously, the boy has sworn off going to the cinema in Lasgiddy coz people are so badly behaved in the cinema. They talk to each other, they narrate the movie (which I occasionally find tres funny actually, especially in an action comedy movie) and they talk on their mobile phone!!!!
Hello"" (Pause)
"Hello can you hear me" (Pause)
"I'm in the cinema I'm watching that movie with Brad Pitt in it." (pause)
"O wa very good oh. The special effects are gen gen. So whats up?"
"No I can't make it blah blah blah."
A full scale conversation will ensue or better still the whole film is narrated over the phone.
The last time I forced the boy to come with me to watch a movie we were unfortunate to be in there with a teenage birthday party. Birthday girl was getting nuff calls and answering them with squeals of delight and telling everyone where she was etc etc. The boy (and he's a big one) got up out of his chair and evicted her, it was hilarious really.
Now the mobile phone has been taken over by the crackberry. I personally do not know why I would spend my hard earned money to go watch a movie and spend the whole time bb messaging someone else. If you had somewhere better to be then be there.
Missy behind us kept beep beep beeping and texting till I had to turn around and give her a gimlet stare. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that it was totally wasted on her (my gimlet stares are legendary and rarely need a follow up) so my friend had to let rip with "excuse me, we are trying to watch a movie over here or didn't you notice!!".
Slowly though society is fighting back against the crackberry bad manners. I heard some gist today I want to share with you both starring the crackberry.
1. Little girl driving big car run over buy GMC truck, killed, found holding her crackberry...true story.
2. Night out drinking, missy in the corner busy on crackberry ignoring everybody else at the table. Suddenly everybody on her table gets up and moves to the next table. Missy gets up to going them totally confused as to why everyone moved over. On arriving at new table the alpha dog said "Sorry, you can't sit here"
"What do you mean?"
"You clearly have something more important to be discussing so please go back to it."
"No it's not that"
"Don't care. You are too rude and you will not ruin our evening so go back to the other table and face your bb squarely!!"
Love it
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Up in the club - part 1
Saw this on an episode of Seinfeld once so gonna give it a go.
10am
"Mummy's head hurts honey, quiet indoor voice.
5.30 am
Gratefully got into bed and allowed the a/c to blast my weary body.
45 mins before
"Mr driver, make sure you take your madam home oh. Do not pass go, do not collect 200!! Even if she tells you to take her somewhere else"
8 mins before
My girl "Do you think it's a bad idea to wake my house girl? I'm feeling like some stew"
"Don't do it girl, she's only going to spit in it, it's past 4 in the morning."
"Oh, I 'm so hungry I wish I had ordered food. My head is spinning, alcohol is bad"
"Just drink water and go to sleep you'll be fine"
5 mins before that
My girl and I shakily make our way out of club down ankle breaking metal 'fire escape' type stairs. I'm so busy trying to keep one foot in front of the other it takes a while for me to realise I'm talking to thin air. I wait in the wobbly, standing still dance one adopts when under the influence.
"Girl where did you go?"
"Sorry, just wanted to check if they were still selling food. I've got to soak up this alcohol. Alcohol is bad."
1 hour before
"let's get another bottle of Hennassy."
"Girl are you kidding, the rooms spinning already"
"Oh come on, you'll be alright, alcohol is good." And off she trotted.
30 mins before
Two funny looking guys have laid siege in our corner. I'm thoroughly regretting not wearing my wedding ring at this point.
Funny looking guy 1 to my girl "I really like your watch"
REALLY
"Thank you"
"Do you come here often"
REALLY
"No"
"Come and dance with me "
reaches his hands out and attempts sexy.
"No"
Turns around and rolls eyes at me.
5mins before that
Good looking friend of my girl comes over and says to her
"I like your friend"
"She's married"
"So"
as he walks away she says to me
"That guy right there is dangerous"
Me "I could tell by his biceps and his pecs"
"Naughty!!"
1 hour before downstairs at the bar
My girl to the bar guy "Can we have a glass of wine and a Hennessy and coke"
"Sorry we only sell by the bottle"
(WTF,. this is an annoying new development sweeping across the Lagos tristate area. You can only buy bottles of vino, grey goose, hennessy or bloody champers. What a joke, they just don't want the average guy to go out and have a drink anymore. Its bloody elitist and is going to lead to an increase in domestic violence you mark my words)
Me "Should we get a bottle of wine"
"no, I don't drink wine"
huh????
"Right, Hennessy it is"
"Don't you think its too much"
"we'll just have to give it a go.
"Coke and lots of ice please"
"Cool"
"lets go back upstairs, music better upstairs"
That's how it all started.
10am
"Mummy's head hurts honey, quiet indoor voice.
5.30 am
Gratefully got into bed and allowed the a/c to blast my weary body.
45 mins before
"Mr driver, make sure you take your madam home oh. Do not pass go, do not collect 200!! Even if she tells you to take her somewhere else"
8 mins before
My girl "Do you think it's a bad idea to wake my house girl? I'm feeling like some stew"
"Don't do it girl, she's only going to spit in it, it's past 4 in the morning."
"Oh, I 'm so hungry I wish I had ordered food. My head is spinning, alcohol is bad"
"Just drink water and go to sleep you'll be fine"
5 mins before that
My girl and I shakily make our way out of club down ankle breaking metal 'fire escape' type stairs. I'm so busy trying to keep one foot in front of the other it takes a while for me to realise I'm talking to thin air. I wait in the wobbly, standing still dance one adopts when under the influence.
"Girl where did you go?"
"Sorry, just wanted to check if they were still selling food. I've got to soak up this alcohol. Alcohol is bad."
1 hour before
"let's get another bottle of Hennassy."
"Girl are you kidding, the rooms spinning already"
"Oh come on, you'll be alright, alcohol is good." And off she trotted.
30 mins before
Two funny looking guys have laid siege in our corner. I'm thoroughly regretting not wearing my wedding ring at this point.
Funny looking guy 1 to my girl "I really like your watch"
REALLY
"Thank you"
"Do you come here often"
REALLY
"No"
"Come and dance with me "
reaches his hands out and attempts sexy.
"No"
Turns around and rolls eyes at me.
5mins before that
Good looking friend of my girl comes over and says to her
"I like your friend"
"She's married"
"So"
as he walks away she says to me
"That guy right there is dangerous"
Me "I could tell by his biceps and his pecs"
"Naughty!!"
1 hour before downstairs at the bar
My girl to the bar guy "Can we have a glass of wine and a Hennessy and coke"
"Sorry we only sell by the bottle"
(WTF,. this is an annoying new development sweeping across the Lagos tristate area. You can only buy bottles of vino, grey goose, hennessy or bloody champers. What a joke, they just don't want the average guy to go out and have a drink anymore. Its bloody elitist and is going to lead to an increase in domestic violence you mark my words)
Me "Should we get a bottle of wine"
"no, I don't drink wine"
huh????
"Right, Hennessy it is"
"Don't you think its too much"
"we'll just have to give it a go.
"Coke and lots of ice please"
"Cool"
"lets go back upstairs, music better upstairs"
That's how it all started.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Nigerian women aggressive?????
I have been meaning to air my view on this for a long time and I must start by saying I was one of those people who would tell all and sundry that "Nigerian girls are aggressive".
I am not sure what happened to me last night but its like I had an epiphany. I was sat with friends and family and tongues were loose from the vino that had been flowing for hours. I was surrounded, it turns out, by a whole load of expat wives (if you can call them that, most have been chilling in Nigeria for longer than I have been alive). The newbie to the posse had just arrived in the lasgiddy tri state area (about 6 weeks) and she was eagerly pumping all of us about all sorts of things to make life in Nigeria more manageable for her. Next question "Is it true that Nigerian women are really aggressive when it comes to men" I think at this point I inhaled deeply and replied "I am done promoting that stereotype. All women can be aggressive when they go after what they want."
This was met with such a chorus of negative abuse that my hackles raised immediately and it was going to be damn hard for anyone to move me from my stand point.
I was especially surprised by the passion with which people tried to change my view. Someone suggested it was the poverty aspect that led girls to jump on any man married, single or gay in such a desperate manner. I think one of my aunty's exclaimed righteously that "there is no poverty in the west". That one I could not let fly. I said, with all protocols observed, "I don't know what part of the world you come from but I have been all over it and the common denominator is poverty" She may have attempted to be upset for a bit after that but the convo died a natural death and we all moved on.
Then I got to thinking.
First perhaps I have to give you my "why Nigerians are NOTORIOUS all over the world" theory and then explain how this applies to the Nigerian aggressive woman debate. It all stems from the same thing. I'm going to go slow on this but follow me, this one is a doozy!!!!
First I will start with listing the genetically imprinted personality traits of the average Nigerian.
1. We are too bloody clever for our own good.
2. We like Good tins!!!
Expanding on point 1.
We are too clever for our own good has put a token Nigerian topping the lists of INTERPOL, Americas most wanted, CIA, FBI, MI5 or is it 6!!! What I am getting at is that we can't help ourselves. We always find a way to get money that does not belong to us. We learn how to crack bank codes, impersonate other people and con people out of their life savings. We are always one step ahead of most Gov agencies and therefore now have a well earned reputation not to be trusted with all things money related (Oprah felt it important to warn the American public about Nigerian con artists and how we think they are all Mugus but that's another story). This leads us nicely unto point 2.
We like good tins. Do we always want to work for it? No!!! Usually the average Nigerian is waiting for someone to deliver them from their condition (stole that one from a friend). If it's a family member that made it big then he or she best be sending money home. If its parents with money then the entitlement to their money is so strong that if said parents are not forthcoming they are considered evil (never mind that they probably worked damned hard for it and are trying to enjoy a well deserved retirement)and if none of the above is the case and you find 419 not really your cup of tea and you are a woman, then it's time to find a rich man to look after you. Going to school (bad education system) and finding a job (well that's just work isn't it) and earning for yourself are just not an attractive option.
This leads me nicely to the aggressive woman. We the Nigerian woman did not invent the GOLDDIGGER it is a condition as old as time. What we have done is apply point 1 and 2 to this situation which makes it seem a little excessive to some.
I for one have never gone hungry (I thank God for that everyday). I have never had to be envious of anybody coz they had more than me. I went to a damn good school and had fabulous live experiences. I cannot imagine living in a situation where you have to hustle for food, no light, no water unrelenting hustling to make it through the day and no end in sight. You are perhaps not getting an education and all the other hardships of poverty are getting to you.
If you are a, dare I say trailer trash girl from the "West" you may not be as concerned as the Nigerian chick living in poverty, why?
You have welfare, basic medical is covered, school is free. So as long as you have your pack of fags and a bar you can spend your money in the desperation to get out of your situation may be some what reduced.
Miss Nigeria has no such advantage plus she wants the life she sees on television and she is going to get it and she does not care if the man is your husband. You can see where I am going with this. I rest my case.
I am not sure what happened to me last night but its like I had an epiphany. I was sat with friends and family and tongues were loose from the vino that had been flowing for hours. I was surrounded, it turns out, by a whole load of expat wives (if you can call them that, most have been chilling in Nigeria for longer than I have been alive). The newbie to the posse had just arrived in the lasgiddy tri state area (about 6 weeks) and she was eagerly pumping all of us about all sorts of things to make life in Nigeria more manageable for her. Next question "Is it true that Nigerian women are really aggressive when it comes to men" I think at this point I inhaled deeply and replied "I am done promoting that stereotype. All women can be aggressive when they go after what they want."
This was met with such a chorus of negative abuse that my hackles raised immediately and it was going to be damn hard for anyone to move me from my stand point.
I was especially surprised by the passion with which people tried to change my view. Someone suggested it was the poverty aspect that led girls to jump on any man married, single or gay in such a desperate manner. I think one of my aunty's exclaimed righteously that "there is no poverty in the west". That one I could not let fly. I said, with all protocols observed, "I don't know what part of the world you come from but I have been all over it and the common denominator is poverty" She may have attempted to be upset for a bit after that but the convo died a natural death and we all moved on.
Then I got to thinking.
First perhaps I have to give you my "why Nigerians are NOTORIOUS all over the world" theory and then explain how this applies to the Nigerian aggressive woman debate. It all stems from the same thing. I'm going to go slow on this but follow me, this one is a doozy!!!!
First I will start with listing the genetically imprinted personality traits of the average Nigerian.
1. We are too bloody clever for our own good.
2. We like Good tins!!!
Expanding on point 1.
We are too clever for our own good has put a token Nigerian topping the lists of INTERPOL, Americas most wanted, CIA, FBI, MI5 or is it 6!!! What I am getting at is that we can't help ourselves. We always find a way to get money that does not belong to us. We learn how to crack bank codes, impersonate other people and con people out of their life savings. We are always one step ahead of most Gov agencies and therefore now have a well earned reputation not to be trusted with all things money related (Oprah felt it important to warn the American public about Nigerian con artists and how we think they are all Mugus but that's another story). This leads us nicely unto point 2.
We like good tins. Do we always want to work for it? No!!! Usually the average Nigerian is waiting for someone to deliver them from their condition (stole that one from a friend). If it's a family member that made it big then he or she best be sending money home. If its parents with money then the entitlement to their money is so strong that if said parents are not forthcoming they are considered evil (never mind that they probably worked damned hard for it and are trying to enjoy a well deserved retirement)and if none of the above is the case and you find 419 not really your cup of tea and you are a woman, then it's time to find a rich man to look after you. Going to school (bad education system) and finding a job (well that's just work isn't it) and earning for yourself are just not an attractive option.
This leads me nicely to the aggressive woman. We the Nigerian woman did not invent the GOLDDIGGER it is a condition as old as time. What we have done is apply point 1 and 2 to this situation which makes it seem a little excessive to some.
I for one have never gone hungry (I thank God for that everyday). I have never had to be envious of anybody coz they had more than me. I went to a damn good school and had fabulous live experiences. I cannot imagine living in a situation where you have to hustle for food, no light, no water unrelenting hustling to make it through the day and no end in sight. You are perhaps not getting an education and all the other hardships of poverty are getting to you.
If you are a, dare I say trailer trash girl from the "West" you may not be as concerned as the Nigerian chick living in poverty, why?
You have welfare, basic medical is covered, school is free. So as long as you have your pack of fags and a bar you can spend your money in the desperation to get out of your situation may be some what reduced.
Miss Nigeria has no such advantage plus she wants the life she sees on television and she is going to get it and she does not care if the man is your husband. You can see where I am going with this. I rest my case.
Le Carnival
I don't really know what to say about this. It is not the first time nor will it be the last time that the lasgiddy tri state area will be brought to a standstill for a "carnival".
I watched some of it out of the window of my flat and I must admit it looked like a lot of time and effort went into it, so not really trying to takeaway from the regular folk who worked hard.
Its just that on deeper reflection I can't help but be upset by a few little things
1. The horrendous traffic.
There is a red bus that I have been using as an indicator of just how bad it is and they have been chilling in the same spot for 3 hours I kid you not. In the defence of Lagos state, people were told the route and told to park themselves at home. It is just a tad surprising to me that SO MANY did not heed this warning.
2. I was always under the impression that carnivals of this sort had a multiple function.
First to entertain the common folk (God forgive me) and secondly to generate MONEY.
I was thinking along the lines of the mardi gras, Notting hill carnival, The Love parades and of course Brazil. People come from all over the WORLD. They take up rooms in hotels, they spend all that fab money on the locals and the country is the better for it. You have to spend a little to get alot in these cases but here in lasgiddy.......we just spent alot and certain people went home laughing.
Do not get me started on the rumours that have been going around. Some people were given millions (make that tens of thousands for those of you used to sterling) to bring feathers into my country!!! Feathers I hear you say? Yes feathers. We have no light, no drinkable water, no security, no decent roads, no health care system I can go on and people are getting paid to bring in feathers. Money that I think would have been better spent at some of the orphanages perhaps.
Sometimes I think there really need to be an anti Lagos state government who goes around acting like a mother does sometime, spoiling all the fun. No you can't do that fun amazing thing coz boring ass things like fixing the drainage system on a major arterial road has to come first!!!!!!
I watched some of it out of the window of my flat and I must admit it looked like a lot of time and effort went into it, so not really trying to takeaway from the regular folk who worked hard.
Its just that on deeper reflection I can't help but be upset by a few little things
1. The horrendous traffic.
There is a red bus that I have been using as an indicator of just how bad it is and they have been chilling in the same spot for 3 hours I kid you not. In the defence of Lagos state, people were told the route and told to park themselves at home. It is just a tad surprising to me that SO MANY did not heed this warning.
2. I was always under the impression that carnivals of this sort had a multiple function.
First to entertain the common folk (God forgive me) and secondly to generate MONEY.
I was thinking along the lines of the mardi gras, Notting hill carnival, The Love parades and of course Brazil. People come from all over the WORLD. They take up rooms in hotels, they spend all that fab money on the locals and the country is the better for it. You have to spend a little to get alot in these cases but here in lasgiddy.......we just spent alot and certain people went home laughing.
Do not get me started on the rumours that have been going around. Some people were given millions (make that tens of thousands for those of you used to sterling) to bring feathers into my country!!! Feathers I hear you say? Yes feathers. We have no light, no drinkable water, no security, no decent roads, no health care system I can go on and people are getting paid to bring in feathers. Money that I think would have been better spent at some of the orphanages perhaps.
Sometimes I think there really need to be an anti Lagos state government who goes around acting like a mother does sometime, spoiling all the fun. No you can't do that fun amazing thing coz boring ass things like fixing the drainage system on a major arterial road has to come first!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Eko gym and Spa
There is nothing like coughing up the money for a years membership to re-dedicate you to the cause of working out.
Have been religiously doing my hour and a half for a week now and must say I am enjoying it. I must admit though I was willing to sneak in under the radar for as long as possible before paying up again but got caught, it went a little something like this.
I bounced in last Monday and the security guard hissed at me to come and sign in.....you know that HEYHISSSSSSSS piercing thing you hear as soon as you touch down in Murtala Mohammed airport. I have always been of the opinion that it should only be used on dogs and other household pets and have always refused to answer to it. In fact, I remember an incident in Brent cross shopping center when my mum (who used to wind me up by doing it in front of Oyinbos) was waiting at the check out at M&S, I was carrying her handbag clear across the shop and she tried to gain my attention by doing this. I pretended not to hear her so she had to get out of the queue and come and get me. She was furious and said "didn't you hear me calling you" to which I replied "No sorry, were you calling my name?" that was how I conditioned her out of it and I get a shiver down my spine of annoyance everytime someone attempts to gain my attention in such a degrading manner.
So back to the hissing security guy. I swanned by like he didn't exist so he gave chase, I was irate and refused to sign in and carried on upstairs. He went to report me to management which was his second mistake of the morning. The manager at the gym is not my biggest fan as I am forever telling him off for being a little twit and having crap staff. When he came to see who the culprit was I do recall he stumbled a little when he realised it was none other than I the number one complainer he had come to see.
I went into a long one about how these people need to develop some manners and just coz I don't look like some old madam does not mean you should try and disrespect me in my free time!!!
After profusly apologising he swanned off and I can only imagine what went through his mind coz five mins later he is standing next to me as I ploughed away at the cross trainer looking very proud of himself. "Madam" he says " your membership has expired" CRAP!!!! How totally annoying. I refuse to act cowered, "Fine I will sort it out tomorrow". He still loiters not sure what for..."what part of tomorrow did you not understand?" Horrid guy. I know he though for a second or two about forcibly ijecting me from the premises but I totally ignored him, driving my point home by pelting out the words linkin parks "Numb".
Have been religiously doing my hour and a half for a week now and must say I am enjoying it. I must admit though I was willing to sneak in under the radar for as long as possible before paying up again but got caught, it went a little something like this.
I bounced in last Monday and the security guard hissed at me to come and sign in.....you know that HEYHISSSSSSSS piercing thing you hear as soon as you touch down in Murtala Mohammed airport. I have always been of the opinion that it should only be used on dogs and other household pets and have always refused to answer to it. In fact, I remember an incident in Brent cross shopping center when my mum (who used to wind me up by doing it in front of Oyinbos) was waiting at the check out at M&S, I was carrying her handbag clear across the shop and she tried to gain my attention by doing this. I pretended not to hear her so she had to get out of the queue and come and get me. She was furious and said "didn't you hear me calling you" to which I replied "No sorry, were you calling my name?" that was how I conditioned her out of it and I get a shiver down my spine of annoyance everytime someone attempts to gain my attention in such a degrading manner.
So back to the hissing security guy. I swanned by like he didn't exist so he gave chase, I was irate and refused to sign in and carried on upstairs. He went to report me to management which was his second mistake of the morning. The manager at the gym is not my biggest fan as I am forever telling him off for being a little twit and having crap staff. When he came to see who the culprit was I do recall he stumbled a little when he realised it was none other than I the number one complainer he had come to see.
I went into a long one about how these people need to develop some manners and just coz I don't look like some old madam does not mean you should try and disrespect me in my free time!!!
After profusly apologising he swanned off and I can only imagine what went through his mind coz five mins later he is standing next to me as I ploughed away at the cross trainer looking very proud of himself. "Madam" he says " your membership has expired" CRAP!!!! How totally annoying. I refuse to act cowered, "Fine I will sort it out tomorrow". He still loiters not sure what for..."what part of tomorrow did you not understand?" Horrid guy. I know he though for a second or two about forcibly ijecting me from the premises but I totally ignored him, driving my point home by pelting out the words linkin parks "Numb".
Monday, March 29, 2010
Fire fire everywhere
When it rains it pours or in this case when your friend reports a fire in their home, they all do.
I just get fed up of hearing bad news sometimes and for some reason I am hearing alot about the near misses of dear and loved ones from fire.
I have found in Nigeria that along with general musings about how the infrastructure is just not up to par there is a very real failing of the state to protect its citizens. I am not exaggerating when I say I live in fear of quite a lot of "what if" scenarios due to a lack of emergency services.
I will not go into details but I did have a huge medical emergency occur at my house, the likes of which I hope to NEVER be involved with again, and when the boy called the emergency services we were told to get the person to the hospital our selves aka no ambulance service. I think I have already waxed lyrical on the lack of police protection, so you are totally on your own with anything like a home invasion, kidnapping or car jacking and will defo not have any kind of CSI type investigation to find the culprit and get justice. Woe betide us if we ever have any type of natural disaster in the Lagos tristate area coz we are not equipped to cope. Then I go to FIRE. I am yet to see a fire truck whizzing by me to help anyone in need (certainly no hunky men in uniforms and defo no sales of fab calenders) and have often witnessed the 'stand around helpless, solution to people losing their livelihoods etc
I heard about an office block that was left to burn for days till it was all over, still not sure my friend was not exaggerating this however.
What is winding me up though is the general consensus that the reason for most of these fires (proven fact in some cases) is the fact that our electricity supply is so bloody unreliable. Its not so much the switching on and off (sometimes up to 6 times in 15 mins!!!!) Its the variation in voltage. This has led many, myself included, to invest in all sorts of nifty devises that promise to surge protect your electrical gadgets, some of which are very dear to our hearts (RIP hot pink IPOD). What are you supposed to do however if the electrician who wires your house in the first place is some sort of yahoo who does a piss poor job and thereby is accessory to the attempted slow roasting of you in your sleep!!! Like I said I live in fear and ardent prayer!!!!!
P.s. don't get me started on my gas cooker and training my staff on how to use the fire extinguishers!!!
I just get fed up of hearing bad news sometimes and for some reason I am hearing alot about the near misses of dear and loved ones from fire.
I have found in Nigeria that along with general musings about how the infrastructure is just not up to par there is a very real failing of the state to protect its citizens. I am not exaggerating when I say I live in fear of quite a lot of "what if" scenarios due to a lack of emergency services.
I will not go into details but I did have a huge medical emergency occur at my house, the likes of which I hope to NEVER be involved with again, and when the boy called the emergency services we were told to get the person to the hospital our selves aka no ambulance service. I think I have already waxed lyrical on the lack of police protection, so you are totally on your own with anything like a home invasion, kidnapping or car jacking and will defo not have any kind of CSI type investigation to find the culprit and get justice. Woe betide us if we ever have any type of natural disaster in the Lagos tristate area coz we are not equipped to cope. Then I go to FIRE. I am yet to see a fire truck whizzing by me to help anyone in need (certainly no hunky men in uniforms and defo no sales of fab calenders) and have often witnessed the 'stand around helpless, solution to people losing their livelihoods etc
I heard about an office block that was left to burn for days till it was all over, still not sure my friend was not exaggerating this however.
What is winding me up though is the general consensus that the reason for most of these fires (proven fact in some cases) is the fact that our electricity supply is so bloody unreliable. Its not so much the switching on and off (sometimes up to 6 times in 15 mins!!!!) Its the variation in voltage. This has led many, myself included, to invest in all sorts of nifty devises that promise to surge protect your electrical gadgets, some of which are very dear to our hearts (RIP hot pink IPOD). What are you supposed to do however if the electrician who wires your house in the first place is some sort of yahoo who does a piss poor job and thereby is accessory to the attempted slow roasting of you in your sleep!!! Like I said I live in fear and ardent prayer!!!!!
P.s. don't get me started on my gas cooker and training my staff on how to use the fire extinguishers!!!
Fashion TV yum yum
I am addicted and its driving everyone in my house crazy. The pickni has taken to dropping the remote control in my hands and demanding I put on cbbc for her, the boy has stopped complaining!!!
I was so inspired by the Milan fashion week I called up my tailor and commissioned (bit lofty a word for the negotiations but I like the way it sounds) about 6 outfits to be made. Have decided to channel my inner Carrie and just make some fashion forward pieces and rock them. This is the best time really. The tailor has come she has measured you, I allow myself a smug feeling as my gym routine is clearly paying off....finally, and she has drawn all types of fab outfits and made all kind of wild promises. You spend the next few days imagining yourself in your fantastic print play suit at lunch with your girls and can't help a little thrill of excitement.
Then you go collect the stuff and you find out that its never as fantastic as you imagined. This is why I am on my hundredth tailor. This girl I got from a friend and I have seen her stuff before and it all seemed fantastic. Fingers crossed she delivers and then there will be non stopping me!!!
I was so inspired by the Milan fashion week I called up my tailor and commissioned (bit lofty a word for the negotiations but I like the way it sounds) about 6 outfits to be made. Have decided to channel my inner Carrie and just make some fashion forward pieces and rock them. This is the best time really. The tailor has come she has measured you, I allow myself a smug feeling as my gym routine is clearly paying off....finally, and she has drawn all types of fab outfits and made all kind of wild promises. You spend the next few days imagining yourself in your fantastic print play suit at lunch with your girls and can't help a little thrill of excitement.
Then you go collect the stuff and you find out that its never as fantastic as you imagined. This is why I am on my hundredth tailor. This girl I got from a friend and I have seen her stuff before and it all seemed fantastic. Fingers crossed she delivers and then there will be non stopping me!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Inverter is up the creek
This one will be a hard one for some to get their head around but those of us living with erratic electricity will know exactly where I am coming from. I am incapable of making light (haha) of this coz right now I have a knot in my stomach the size of which I have not felt since my diploma presentation (which I had to have a couple of shots before to perform).
Those of you living out of the erratic electricity zone can never understand the kind of strategic planning you incorporate into your day to day so some examples may help.
After I get back from the gym I stall before having my shower coz I know the generator is coming on at noon and I do not want to get dressed in the heat and if I want to wash and dry my hair the same goes.
The guy who comes to iron our clothes is on a strict schedule to ensure he maximises the daytime gen slot.
Anything I want to quickly microwave, blend, boil in the kettle or toast can only happen at certain times of the day.
All electronics that need charging must be done when you have PHCN or gen electricity (mobile phones, laptops and baby DVD players), as I have found the inverter charging is not so good for the batteries.
There was a time when we did not have a dedicated generator in the building for the lifts and I, as well as many other people I know, had to plan when to leave home and come back so that the lifts would be working.....not to mention planning for when your guests can arrive as nobody likes climbing stairs in this heat for fun!!!!!
At night, when I say my prayers, I usually thank the Lord for a few inanimate things in my life and my inverter is one of them. Its a battery that charges on electricity when we have light (which I must admit is quite good in my compound) and switches on seamlessly when the light goes. It carrys my TV and the fans the computer and importantly the fridge and freezer. But since about December last year it started acting up so we changed the batteries and all has been sweet and well in my household UNTIL TODAY.
It has started acting up again and only lasted at last monitoring about 2 hours and hence the reason for my knot in my stomach. My pickni is a good person but if the a/c or fan is not soothing the fevered brow NOBODY gets any sleep. Going to get on it tomorrow but in the meanwhile fingers crossed eh.
If my mama was reading this she would tell me (bless her) that I pray for the wrong things. In this case she is probably right. I should be praying for the government to do the right thing. It makes no sense at all that Ghana next door has light 24/7. It makes no sense at all that while I am watching Hurt Locker all I can think about is that even in a war torn country they have bloody LIGHT IN THEIR HOUSES!!! It makes no sense that with all the natural wealth we have in my country we are still living under these conditions.....not sure who to blame really but I for one am fed up.
Those of you living out of the erratic electricity zone can never understand the kind of strategic planning you incorporate into your day to day so some examples may help.
After I get back from the gym I stall before having my shower coz I know the generator is coming on at noon and I do not want to get dressed in the heat and if I want to wash and dry my hair the same goes.
The guy who comes to iron our clothes is on a strict schedule to ensure he maximises the daytime gen slot.
Anything I want to quickly microwave, blend, boil in the kettle or toast can only happen at certain times of the day.
All electronics that need charging must be done when you have PHCN or gen electricity (mobile phones, laptops and baby DVD players), as I have found the inverter charging is not so good for the batteries.
There was a time when we did not have a dedicated generator in the building for the lifts and I, as well as many other people I know, had to plan when to leave home and come back so that the lifts would be working.....not to mention planning for when your guests can arrive as nobody likes climbing stairs in this heat for fun!!!!!
At night, when I say my prayers, I usually thank the Lord for a few inanimate things in my life and my inverter is one of them. Its a battery that charges on electricity when we have light (which I must admit is quite good in my compound) and switches on seamlessly when the light goes. It carrys my TV and the fans the computer and importantly the fridge and freezer. But since about December last year it started acting up so we changed the batteries and all has been sweet and well in my household UNTIL TODAY.
It has started acting up again and only lasted at last monitoring about 2 hours and hence the reason for my knot in my stomach. My pickni is a good person but if the a/c or fan is not soothing the fevered brow NOBODY gets any sleep. Going to get on it tomorrow but in the meanwhile fingers crossed eh.
If my mama was reading this she would tell me (bless her) that I pray for the wrong things. In this case she is probably right. I should be praying for the government to do the right thing. It makes no sense at all that Ghana next door has light 24/7. It makes no sense at all that while I am watching Hurt Locker all I can think about is that even in a war torn country they have bloody LIGHT IN THEIR HOUSES!!! It makes no sense that with all the natural wealth we have in my country we are still living under these conditions.....not sure who to blame really but I for one am fed up.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sandra and Jesse
I wasn't going to do this coz really its none of my business but I have been sleeping all day (non drowsy anti nausea tablet my black ass). Its past 2 in the morning and I am wide awake.
Really Jesse it's not on. My objections are as follows..... I thought he wasn't good enough for my Sandra in the first place but over time he made us re-evaluate so many things. I had to consider that 'never judge a book by its cover' was not some annoying old wives tale. I take pride in my shallowness and if its not shiny and new on the outside I am tres unlikely to delve any deeper. Despite all his tattoos (not saying I don't find them attractive but I am a fan of moderation), his dodgy skin and general gruff exterior he was making our Sandy happy. My girl was glowing and smiling all over the place. Most importantly I thought she was not announcing it to all the world, this quiet happiness has always led me to believe that its just so fabulous at home that the couple don't want to jinks it by making it a public thing, thereby always succeeding in making me extra jealous.
Jesse James single handedly made a whole load of hotties the world over consider the not so hot guy and consider things like personality and loyalty humpf.
Did you see the girl he had an affair with? Now that I know that 'don't judge a book by its cover' is in FACT an old wives tale I am feeling free to say OMIGOSH what is this world coming too. Sandra (le goddess) can be pushed over for something that looks like that??? Is there any point girls really? My new years resolution was to stop with the lazy fine girls syndrome and actually make effort with the hair, makeup and going to the gym but really IS THERE ANY POINT!!!!
Poor Sandra is probably looking in the mirror right now thinking how did this happen. She was slumming for crying out loud. He was lucky to have her!!! She was never supposed to be in this situation. At least when Brad did this he traded up (YES HE DID I am team Jolie) so Jen can shrug her shoulders and say "not my fault".
My advice to all you hotties out there.....never slum it!!! These men will break your heart anyway so you may as well be getting 100% satisfaction and get the aesthetics while your at it.
Really Jesse it's not on. My objections are as follows..... I thought he wasn't good enough for my Sandra in the first place but over time he made us re-evaluate so many things. I had to consider that 'never judge a book by its cover' was not some annoying old wives tale. I take pride in my shallowness and if its not shiny and new on the outside I am tres unlikely to delve any deeper. Despite all his tattoos (not saying I don't find them attractive but I am a fan of moderation), his dodgy skin and general gruff exterior he was making our Sandy happy. My girl was glowing and smiling all over the place. Most importantly I thought she was not announcing it to all the world, this quiet happiness has always led me to believe that its just so fabulous at home that the couple don't want to jinks it by making it a public thing, thereby always succeeding in making me extra jealous.
Jesse James single handedly made a whole load of hotties the world over consider the not so hot guy and consider things like personality and loyalty humpf.
Did you see the girl he had an affair with? Now that I know that 'don't judge a book by its cover' is in FACT an old wives tale I am feeling free to say OMIGOSH what is this world coming too. Sandra (le goddess) can be pushed over for something that looks like that??? Is there any point girls really? My new years resolution was to stop with the lazy fine girls syndrome and actually make effort with the hair, makeup and going to the gym but really IS THERE ANY POINT!!!!
Poor Sandra is probably looking in the mirror right now thinking how did this happen. She was slumming for crying out loud. He was lucky to have her!!! She was never supposed to be in this situation. At least when Brad did this he traded up (YES HE DID I am team Jolie) so Jen can shrug her shoulders and say "not my fault".
My advice to all you hotties out there.....never slum it!!! These men will break your heart anyway so you may as well be getting 100% satisfaction and get the aesthetics while your at it.
Nigerian immigration service not such a nightmare
I suppose you could say we cheated having paid someone to make sure we did not spend the whole day hanging around with the masses but actually since the last time I came (baby's passport took the best part of 13 hours!!!) it seems to have improved by leaps and bounds. They have covered up the waiting areas so the poor masses are not sitting outside in the relentless sun and there seems to be a sense of getting everything done efficiently and quickly. Well done NIS!!!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Kelechi Odu's fab collection
Temple muse has done it again. They have mastered the art of organising a fantastic night of fashion, drink (last nights sexy vodka mixes yum),lovely food (those cupcakes are to die for) and interesting people, am I taking liberties putting myself in that category....probably.
Last night was in honour of American based Kelechi Odu a menswear designer. He showcased his Safari remix collection. Aptly named me thinks as the colour scheme was very natural browns and khakis and light linen material. Fantastic jackets, shirts and well made trousers. I always feel menswear can be tricky because how much can you really do with a jacket and a pair of trousers but as I discovered yesterday its all about the cut and attention to detail and getting a colour scheme that works and I am pleased to say that Kelechi is not going to lead you astray.
The Brucey bargain bonus is you get your clothes made to order so they will fit you impeccably and give you that extra confidence. I loved it. Give us more give us more I say. We need to be nurturing our homegrown talents so that Nigeria has not just got this one dimensional personality worldwide.
Last night was in honour of American based Kelechi Odu a menswear designer. He showcased his Safari remix collection. Aptly named me thinks as the colour scheme was very natural browns and khakis and light linen material. Fantastic jackets, shirts and well made trousers. I always feel menswear can be tricky because how much can you really do with a jacket and a pair of trousers but as I discovered yesterday its all about the cut and attention to detail and getting a colour scheme that works and I am pleased to say that Kelechi is not going to lead you astray.
The Brucey bargain bonus is you get your clothes made to order so they will fit you impeccably and give you that extra confidence. I loved it. Give us more give us more I say. We need to be nurturing our homegrown talents so that Nigeria has not just got this one dimensional personality worldwide.
Traffic = Armed robbery
Friday was the worst traffic we have had in the lasgiddy tri state area for ages. I feel like I have been spoilt recently with school runs taking only 30 mins door to door but Friday, good lord, I have not seen anything like it.
I already mentioned my car air conditioning was not working (got it fixed on Saturday thanks for your concern)so not only was I stuck in that traffic, making a 2 mile journey in just over an hour, but I was sweating like I stole something.
What I want to know is what caused it? I heard there was a fire in Onikan but am not sure how that causes the whole island and Ikoyi to be stagnant.
I just know the rainy season is going to be unbearable. I got forwarded a warning apparently from the Lagos state authorities about how to prepare for the rainy season but what I want to know is how are they preparing our city for the rainy season?
The drainage system on the roadways would be a good place to start to reduce the flooding and stop all the breakdowns and traffic. It seem so simple to me. I would rather not have all the Christmas decorations and that huge budget could free up strategic problem spots in the metropolis. We really don't have the luxury as a country to be spending money on frivolities when there are so many necessities that need sorting.
But I digress. I then hear that with most of Lagos like sitting ducks in the worst traffic of 2010 armed robbers were out in force. Still unconfirmed but I must admit if I was a criminal mastermind (yes if I was a criminal I would be a mastermind AND I would be smoking hot at it too) and I heard about the traffic (police not out and no one would do anything as we don't seem to breed have a go heroes in Nigeria) I would have my team (yes I would organize in teams!!!) out there robbing and pillaging surely there should be some sort of police plan to protect the citizens in such situations??? I despair.
I already mentioned my car air conditioning was not working (got it fixed on Saturday thanks for your concern)so not only was I stuck in that traffic, making a 2 mile journey in just over an hour, but I was sweating like I stole something.
What I want to know is what caused it? I heard there was a fire in Onikan but am not sure how that causes the whole island and Ikoyi to be stagnant.
I just know the rainy season is going to be unbearable. I got forwarded a warning apparently from the Lagos state authorities about how to prepare for the rainy season but what I want to know is how are they preparing our city for the rainy season?
The drainage system on the roadways would be a good place to start to reduce the flooding and stop all the breakdowns and traffic. It seem so simple to me. I would rather not have all the Christmas decorations and that huge budget could free up strategic problem spots in the metropolis. We really don't have the luxury as a country to be spending money on frivolities when there are so many necessities that need sorting.
But I digress. I then hear that with most of Lagos like sitting ducks in the worst traffic of 2010 armed robbers were out in force. Still unconfirmed but I must admit if I was a criminal mastermind (yes if I was a criminal I would be a mastermind AND I would be smoking hot at it too) and I heard about the traffic (police not out and no one would do anything as we don't seem to breed have a go heroes in Nigeria) I would have my team (yes I would organize in teams!!!) out there robbing and pillaging surely there should be some sort of police plan to protect the citizens in such situations??? I despair.
Friday, March 19, 2010
a/c in my car broken
Its the hottest year in recorded history in Africa and my bloody car air conditioner packed up last night. Have done the school run without it and the hairdressers and frankly its not for me. The driver tried to put on the radio this morning and I was like "please switch it off with all the other noises I am being bombarded with (what with the window being open) I am not in the mood for anymore. He switched it off immediately and without so much as bashing an eyelid let me know that he thought I was being extra!!!
The noise is one thing that can be tuned out with concentration but the SMELLS now that's another thing entirely. My country stinks to put it mildly and the smells are not subtle and confusing but full and bold and nose hair singeing. Anyway have called the hubby and his car shall be here soon for the rest of my running around today. I don't know how people do it!!!!
The noise is one thing that can be tuned out with concentration but the SMELLS now that's another thing entirely. My country stinks to put it mildly and the smells are not subtle and confusing but full and bold and nose hair singeing. Anyway have called the hubby and his car shall be here soon for the rest of my running around today. I don't know how people do it!!!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Lunch at Southern sun...must stop afternoon drinking
I really have got to stop my afternoon drinking its just not the same as drinking in the evening. My capacity is severely reduced and before long I have visual and speech impairment (my hubby says I go all British with a lisp which he thinks is really cute)and can't concentrate for more than one min on a topic of convo. Need to apologise to my girl who had to put up with my drunken rambling.
Now about lunch at the Southern sun. I am already a fan of their Sunday brunch its a buffet and can be supplemented with you know, champagne. Nice environment and so far very good service. I am pleased to say the same can be said for the lunch time service. We ate from the a la carte even though there was a buffet because I had been hearing rave reviews about the burger. Please to say it went down a treat. This did mean though that after drunkenly collecting the pikni from her play date with her grandma I came home and crashed at 6pm and did not wake again till about 10pm (quick brush teeth and wash face and I was horizontal again).
I just hope my work out this morning burnt the layer of fat I must have built up over night!!!!
Now about lunch at the Southern sun. I am already a fan of their Sunday brunch its a buffet and can be supplemented with you know, champagne. Nice environment and so far very good service. I am pleased to say the same can be said for the lunch time service. We ate from the a la carte even though there was a buffet because I had been hearing rave reviews about the burger. Please to say it went down a treat. This did mean though that after drunkenly collecting the pikni from her play date with her grandma I came home and crashed at 6pm and did not wake again till about 10pm (quick brush teeth and wash face and I was horizontal again).
I just hope my work out this morning burnt the layer of fat I must have built up over night!!!!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Back at the gym
Started on Monday, Hurrah but hurt all over. Diet on the other hand not going so well. I am just trying to eat more sensibly, you know no carbs at night and no more coke.......but just the fact that I have decided to cut down has caused me to get shakes and headaches and feel faint!!!!
What's a girl to do?
What's a girl to do?
Grrrr the Oscars
It happens every year I watch the oscars, you've got to hand it to them the celebrities bring their A game when it comes to entertaining themselves, and get annoyed at all the movies winning prizes so I don't know if the best man/woman won ra ra ra. Back in the days when I was young and foolish I would usually hold a grudge against the movie and not watch it for years as it ruined my viewing pleasure but ever since the Piano (watched it years later and loved it so much it was like an obsession) I took the view that I was only punishing myself by not watching any film that got nominated and especially the ones that one. Cut to 2010.
I was so shocked at James Cameron missing out on the best director movie for Avatar which I LOVED to some random movie called Hurt locker that I had to get it and watch ASAP. Must say I was not amused. I get it it was low budget and therefore brilliant and deep etc etc but Kathryn Bigelow did not spend the best part of a decade making her movie, nor did she change how movies are going to be made from this point on nor did she have that beautiful boy (Sam Worthington I think his name is) saying "I've got this" in a sexy voice all over the place. Sorry I guess its about time a woman won but only if we deserved it!!!
Also my humble opinion but that film precious how horribly depressing. When you have a pikni at home you probably shouldn't watch stuff like that it just makes you want to lock them up at home!!! Horrid horrid horrid.
I was so shocked at James Cameron missing out on the best director movie for Avatar which I LOVED to some random movie called Hurt locker that I had to get it and watch ASAP. Must say I was not amused. I get it it was low budget and therefore brilliant and deep etc etc but Kathryn Bigelow did not spend the best part of a decade making her movie, nor did she change how movies are going to be made from this point on nor did she have that beautiful boy (Sam Worthington I think his name is) saying "I've got this" in a sexy voice all over the place. Sorry I guess its about time a woman won but only if we deserved it!!!
Also my humble opinion but that film precious how horribly depressing. When you have a pikni at home you probably shouldn't watch stuff like that it just makes you want to lock them up at home!!! Horrid horrid horrid.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Mothers day at Taras house of horrors
I feel bad writing this now coz I did eventually get fed and watered and ended up enjoying the show but I shall just transcribe what I was writing yesterday so you know how mal treated I was.
Date: Mothers day
Venue: House of Tara
Start time on invitation 2pm
In actuality people are probably still waiting for it to commence.
I get it this is lasgiddy, we just get everywhere late but as I write this is 4pm and the show still hasn't bloody started.
Anyone who knows me very well knows I don't do well when I am hungry and other than a bowl of cereal this morning I have had nothing to eat. I guess you could say at this point that I have lost my sense of humor.
They have just passed around some water which just may stop me from fainting the juries out. What am I still doing here I hear you ask and I would say its a little bit of work. I am not amused. I have a horrible feeling that everyone but me knew this thing was not going to start till 4. Tara herself is swanning around without the guilty frazzled look of someone who's show is now running 2 hours late. As my hypoglycemia gets to the point when my hands have started to shake I cannot help but be resentful of the whole vicious circle that has caused us to get to this point.
Everyone knows if you want your party to starts at 6 you tell people from 4. If you want someone to get to your house on time you tell them a good half an hour before. Usually I would say that yes with our horrid infrastructure and therefore unimaginable traffic sometimes its out of your hands but today is a Sunday people was it truly necessary. Tell people half and hour before and get on with the show if people miss it that's their problem and hopefully they will not make that mistake again.
The small chops get to me just as my headache kicked in so that's all she wrote.
Date: Mothers day
Venue: House of Tara
Start time on invitation 2pm
In actuality people are probably still waiting for it to commence.
I get it this is lasgiddy, we just get everywhere late but as I write this is 4pm and the show still hasn't bloody started.
Anyone who knows me very well knows I don't do well when I am hungry and other than a bowl of cereal this morning I have had nothing to eat. I guess you could say at this point that I have lost my sense of humor.
They have just passed around some water which just may stop me from fainting the juries out. What am I still doing here I hear you ask and I would say its a little bit of work. I am not amused. I have a horrible feeling that everyone but me knew this thing was not going to start till 4. Tara herself is swanning around without the guilty frazzled look of someone who's show is now running 2 hours late. As my hypoglycemia gets to the point when my hands have started to shake I cannot help but be resentful of the whole vicious circle that has caused us to get to this point.
Everyone knows if you want your party to starts at 6 you tell people from 4. If you want someone to get to your house on time you tell them a good half an hour before. Usually I would say that yes with our horrid infrastructure and therefore unimaginable traffic sometimes its out of your hands but today is a Sunday people was it truly necessary. Tell people half and hour before and get on with the show if people miss it that's their problem and hopefully they will not make that mistake again.
The small chops get to me just as my headache kicked in so that's all she wrote.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
The christmas staff conspiracy
I am stealing this from someone else really but I think its true. When you get staff from an agent (and I am not talking about those agents with a computer and an office I mean those people who are just staff who know other people who they bring to your house)they never stay with you for long no matter how well you treat them and they especially like to disappear at the end of the year so you have to fork out more money to the agent for replacements. Its all totally win win for them.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Christian Slater back on TV
He has been a disappoint since he blew us away with Untamed heart but this is not so bad.
The forgotten directed by Jerry Bruckheimer (no idea how to spell that)
If you still have a soft spot for him get tucked in.
The forgotten directed by Jerry Bruckheimer (no idea how to spell that)
If you still have a soft spot for him get tucked in.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
DSTV
I would not blame you for thinking after reading the title that I was going to bitch about just how annoying it is to pay for "cable" and STILL have nothing to watch. If you are not a fan of reality television or sports then once you've heard the news for the day you're stuck. I would like you then to imagine my horror when I scrolled around to ye olde faithful 'crime and investigation'&lovingly called the 'hot gist channel' in my house and found it E30 scrambled. I found this to be so on the Disney channel but as CBBC was keeping the pikni busy I wasn't too concerned.
I must admit to foolishly thinking it would rectify itself so I let the situation linger for about 3 days in the meanwhile hearing from others that it was happening to them. Day 4 I gave multichoice a call straight to option 5 to talk to an operator. This is where it all went pear shaped. I went through the usual hoopla, go to this channel press this button routine, I am sending a signal and lo and behold my beloved C&I was back.
This blissful state was maintained for all of 24 hours before it disappeared again. I called back and the above situation was repeated. Two days later its was gone again. I called back with barely restrained Patience now and what follows is the conversation I had with the "helpful" customer service girl.
"Hi, my customer number is xyz and I am Mrs blah blah this is the third time I am calling coz my C&I and Disney channel are scrambled."
"There seems to be no problem from here it may be coming from the point of origin"
"Every time I call you guys you manage to rectify the situation so I am pretty sure that's not the case. I'm just done calling you guys every other day so how can we make this permanent."
"Hold on a second ma (pause) I see. C&I is no longer a 24 hours channel"
"YOU WHAT when did this happen?"
"I'm not sure ma"
"So when does it come on?"
"I don't know ma"
"What do you mean you don't know"
Silence
"Are you trying to tell me that there is a channel on my television that comes on when it feels like it with no broadcasting schedule?"
"I have no information ma"
"Do you think I didn't go to school or something? Does it make sense to you? Even in the days of NTA 2 channel five you knew what time it came on...5pm.
Silence
"Can you put on someone with a brain please I am done with this conversation. You have my number right? When someone with a brain is available get them to call me back I want this sorted out."
Luckily Ms Brain called me back and sorted it all out.
I could not help it I had to give a little lecture.
I suggested she told Ms Helpful that rather than lying and assuming she is dealing with someone with less brains than she has she should instead assume the opposite coz more likely than not she would be right. There is no harm in solving a problem by finding someone better qualified to deal with it.
No need to lie just say "you don't know".
I must admit to foolishly thinking it would rectify itself so I let the situation linger for about 3 days in the meanwhile hearing from others that it was happening to them. Day 4 I gave multichoice a call straight to option 5 to talk to an operator. This is where it all went pear shaped. I went through the usual hoopla, go to this channel press this button routine, I am sending a signal and lo and behold my beloved C&I was back.
This blissful state was maintained for all of 24 hours before it disappeared again. I called back and the above situation was repeated. Two days later its was gone again. I called back with barely restrained Patience now and what follows is the conversation I had with the "helpful" customer service girl.
"Hi, my customer number is xyz and I am Mrs blah blah this is the third time I am calling coz my C&I and Disney channel are scrambled."
"There seems to be no problem from here it may be coming from the point of origin"
"Every time I call you guys you manage to rectify the situation so I am pretty sure that's not the case. I'm just done calling you guys every other day so how can we make this permanent."
"Hold on a second ma (pause) I see. C&I is no longer a 24 hours channel"
"YOU WHAT when did this happen?"
"I'm not sure ma"
"So when does it come on?"
"I don't know ma"
"What do you mean you don't know"
Silence
"Are you trying to tell me that there is a channel on my television that comes on when it feels like it with no broadcasting schedule?"
"I have no information ma"
"Do you think I didn't go to school or something? Does it make sense to you? Even in the days of NTA 2 channel five you knew what time it came on...5pm.
Silence
"Can you put on someone with a brain please I am done with this conversation. You have my number right? When someone with a brain is available get them to call me back I want this sorted out."
Luckily Ms Brain called me back and sorted it all out.
I could not help it I had to give a little lecture.
I suggested she told Ms Helpful that rather than lying and assuming she is dealing with someone with less brains than she has she should instead assume the opposite coz more likely than not she would be right. There is no harm in solving a problem by finding someone better qualified to deal with it.
No need to lie just say "you don't know".
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The orange light debate
I don't know about you all but one of the many reasons I HATE driving in Lagos is the Police and LASMA.
Picture if you will a Monday morning, running late as usual, am driving my baby to school and traffic is hideous as always. I get to the junction just as the light is turning, suddenly seemingly out of nowhere jump three police people who surround my car. I immediately start to shake my head coz I know what they are going to say and the light was not red.
I wind down my window a crack, I learnt not to open my window too wide the hard way but that's another story. I am bombarded by screaming and insults!!! Honestly I don't function too well before midday so I just sit there shaking my head repeating as if in a daze "the light was orange" and "stop shouting at me".
One of the policemen (disturbingly in plain clothes with no visible ID) takes to hitting the side of my car, probably to snap me out of my monologue. This wakes me up a tad and I turn to him and tell him to stop hitting my car as he is scaring my child, who bless her is looking suitably wide eyed and traumatised. At this point I think they decide to leave me alone because I certainly do not intend to start begging and negotiating at that time in the morning especially as I have done nothing wrong.
As I carry on to school though I become aware of a slow burning in my stomach. I am now filled with righteous indignation. I don't care if I had jumped a red light I am not sure it warrants that type of abuse in the early mo mo!!! I wish I had just run them over now!!!
Policemen/armed robbers same number on my 'why I hate driving in Lagos' scale.
Picture if you will a Monday morning, running late as usual, am driving my baby to school and traffic is hideous as always. I get to the junction just as the light is turning, suddenly seemingly out of nowhere jump three police people who surround my car. I immediately start to shake my head coz I know what they are going to say and the light was not red.
I wind down my window a crack, I learnt not to open my window too wide the hard way but that's another story. I am bombarded by screaming and insults!!! Honestly I don't function too well before midday so I just sit there shaking my head repeating as if in a daze "the light was orange" and "stop shouting at me".
One of the policemen (disturbingly in plain clothes with no visible ID) takes to hitting the side of my car, probably to snap me out of my monologue. This wakes me up a tad and I turn to him and tell him to stop hitting my car as he is scaring my child, who bless her is looking suitably wide eyed and traumatised. At this point I think they decide to leave me alone because I certainly do not intend to start begging and negotiating at that time in the morning especially as I have done nothing wrong.
As I carry on to school though I become aware of a slow burning in my stomach. I am now filled with righteous indignation. I don't care if I had jumped a red light I am not sure it warrants that type of abuse in the early mo mo!!! I wish I had just run them over now!!!
Policemen/armed robbers same number on my 'why I hate driving in Lagos' scale.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
They ran out of suya
The Polo tournaments have kicked off and I am loving the whole put on a fab dress and act posh thing but last Sunday they ran out of SUYA. I wish I knew how to make sure that did not happen again........its unacceptable.
Proud mama
My mother-in-law was flicking through a magazine with my baby on her knee entertaining themselves you know how we do when she suddenly exclaims "look, he looks like your daddy".
Out of curiosity I glance over and my girl is pointing to a picture of Denzel Washington!!!! I LOVE IT!!! Far be it for me to suggest that the product of her womb, her last born and love of her life does not resemble the great man. Too funny.
Out of curiosity I glance over and my girl is pointing to a picture of Denzel Washington!!!! I LOVE IT!!! Far be it for me to suggest that the product of her womb, her last born and love of her life does not resemble the great man. Too funny.
Pizza not pasta
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a whore for food. My husband tells anyone who will listen how he clinched the deal using food.
Please understand that I am a great fan of the lasgiddy tri-state area, I am not one of those returnees who wants to constantly unfairly compare Lagos to an NYC or a London but there are some gold standards of service that should be maintained period.
Manuella residence is the only place to get a decent pizza in VI in my humble opinion especially if you are not a fan of the deep pan American type pizza. Although I have already resigned myself to outrageous waiting times and overinflated prices the straw finally broke the camels back last week.
Picture if you will a lunchtime sojourn to Manuellas with my BFF and the cousin who has not been home for over 10 years. We wisely directed him to have the pizza but for some reason madness makes me order the tortellini with spinach and ricotta.
Starter perfect
Pizza perfect
Wine not award winning
Tortellini hard as a rock.
I first complain to the waitress and just coz she looked so confused I send her with the plate to the chef (I am convinced my tortellini is showing signs of having been in a microwave). She comes back saying "that how the meat is supposed to be". After calmly explaining spinach and ricotta can in no way be described as meat I ask to see the manager.
We get carried away chatting so its almost half an hour before we notice we have not seen the manager so we have to go extract her from her comfy seat in the corner of the totally empty but for us restaurant.
I think this is were I explain that I have had this dish in many places from the traditional recipe at my friend Christina's at her beautiful mountain home up in Lake Como (yes it is Gods country and George Clooney's house, what you can see from the road, is amazing) not to mention a fab Italian on Bleaker street in NYC so I know what it should taste like. Why was my girl from management trying to convince me that its all in my head. When I wasn't going for it she told me that seeing as they no longer make it fresh on site I may not be used to how its tasting. Our boy from the overs tried to explain that it really didn't matter, all she should be trying to do is fix the problem. Other than sarcastically suggesting that we were trying to force an apology from her (i think his words at this point was please keep you apology and fix the problem she is the customer) she was not willing to do anything about it.
I get infuriated by this type of service and despite my leaving a plate of food we still paid for it. I do not know why I put up with that type of service. It should not be tolerated. I got me an online recipe and shall be making my pizza and pasta at home from now on and I suggest you do the same.
Please understand that I am a great fan of the lasgiddy tri-state area, I am not one of those returnees who wants to constantly unfairly compare Lagos to an NYC or a London but there are some gold standards of service that should be maintained period.
Manuella residence is the only place to get a decent pizza in VI in my humble opinion especially if you are not a fan of the deep pan American type pizza. Although I have already resigned myself to outrageous waiting times and overinflated prices the straw finally broke the camels back last week.
Picture if you will a lunchtime sojourn to Manuellas with my BFF and the cousin who has not been home for over 10 years. We wisely directed him to have the pizza but for some reason madness makes me order the tortellini with spinach and ricotta.
Starter perfect
Pizza perfect
Wine not award winning
Tortellini hard as a rock.
I first complain to the waitress and just coz she looked so confused I send her with the plate to the chef (I am convinced my tortellini is showing signs of having been in a microwave). She comes back saying "that how the meat is supposed to be". After calmly explaining spinach and ricotta can in no way be described as meat I ask to see the manager.
We get carried away chatting so its almost half an hour before we notice we have not seen the manager so we have to go extract her from her comfy seat in the corner of the totally empty but for us restaurant.
I think this is were I explain that I have had this dish in many places from the traditional recipe at my friend Christina's at her beautiful mountain home up in Lake Como (yes it is Gods country and George Clooney's house, what you can see from the road, is amazing) not to mention a fab Italian on Bleaker street in NYC so I know what it should taste like. Why was my girl from management trying to convince me that its all in my head. When I wasn't going for it she told me that seeing as they no longer make it fresh on site I may not be used to how its tasting. Our boy from the overs tried to explain that it really didn't matter, all she should be trying to do is fix the problem. Other than sarcastically suggesting that we were trying to force an apology from her (i think his words at this point was please keep you apology and fix the problem she is the customer) she was not willing to do anything about it.
I get infuriated by this type of service and despite my leaving a plate of food we still paid for it. I do not know why I put up with that type of service. It should not be tolerated. I got me an online recipe and shall be making my pizza and pasta at home from now on and I suggest you do the same.
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