Up in the club - part 1

Saw this on an episode of Seinfeld once so gonna give it a go.

10am
"Mummy's head hurts honey, quiet indoor voice.

5.30 am

Gratefully got into bed and allowed the a/c to blast my weary body.

45 mins before

"Mr driver, make sure you take your madam home oh. Do not pass go, do not collect 200!! Even if she tells you to take her somewhere else"

8 mins before

My girl "Do you think it's a bad idea to wake my house girl? I'm feeling like some stew"
"Don't do it girl, she's only going to spit in it, it's past 4 in the morning."
"Oh, I 'm so hungry I wish I had ordered food. My head is spinning, alcohol is bad"
"Just drink water and go to sleep you'll be fine"

5 mins before that

My girl and I shakily make our way out of club down ankle breaking metal 'fire escape' type stairs. I'm so busy trying to keep one foot in front of the other it takes a while for me to realise I'm talking to thin air. I wait in the wobbly, standing still dance one adopts when under the influence.
"Girl where did you go?"
"Sorry, just wanted to check if they were still selling food. I've got to soak up this alcohol. Alcohol is bad."

1 hour before

"let's get another bottle of Hennassy."
"Girl are you kidding, the rooms spinning already"
"Oh come on, you'll be alright, alcohol is good." And off she trotted.

30 mins before

Two funny looking guys have laid siege in our corner. I'm thoroughly regretting not wearing my wedding ring at this point.
Funny looking guy 1 to my girl "I really like your watch"
REALLY
"Thank you"
"Do you come here often"
REALLY
"No"
"Come and dance with me "
reaches his hands out and attempts sexy.
"No"
Turns around and rolls eyes at me.

5mins before that

Good looking friend of my girl comes over and says to her

"I like your friend"
"She's married"
"So"
as he walks away she says to me
"That guy right there is dangerous"
Me "I could tell by his biceps and his pecs"
"Naughty!!"

1 hour before downstairs at the bar

My girl to the bar guy "Can we have a glass of wine and a Hennessy and coke"
"Sorry we only sell by the bottle"

(WTF,. this is an annoying new development sweeping across the Lagos tristate area. You can only buy bottles of vino, grey goose, hennessy or bloody champers. What a joke, they just don't want the average guy to go out and have a drink anymore. Its bloody elitist and is going to lead to an increase in domestic violence you mark my words)

Me "Should we get a bottle of wine"
"no, I don't drink wine"
huh????
"Right, Hennessy it is"
"Don't you think its too much"
"we'll just have to give it a go.
"Coke and lots of ice please"
"Cool"
"lets go back upstairs, music better upstairs"

That's how it all started.