Who's land is it anyway

Its hard to explain the lack of town planning in the Lagos tristate area. Parking outside of any major establishment is the cause of so much drama and road rage. This is one of the many reasons why most people need a driver. He drops you where you need to go, finds somewhere nearby to perch your car, plays musical cars with any other person at your establishment and then you call him to come get you when you are done.

This being Nigeria the local element have found a way to capitalise on this and they come out in their droves to "helpfully" park your car and "look after it" while you are in say the club or the cinema. You may have noticed the inverted commas....Let me tell you why.

I say helpfully coz most of these people can't drive, they yell all sorts of instructions at you and physically assault your car in their bid to get you parked. I hate parking and I am often get myself in quite a state trying to squeeze my car into a space my big toe couldn't get into. Now when you are reversing out into traffic they leap out there and stop the traffic so that you can get out. Or so you think. I was being directed to come out and I was doing so slowly but must admit I could see nothing of the oncoming traffic. The first I knew that I should not have taken this perfect strangers advice was when my car hit some other chaps. Luckily for me that day I was in some hot pants (I know but its just so damn hot) with big hair and big sunnys so when I came out looking like the heroine in a tragic movie saying "I am so sorry" the bloke took one look at me, shook his head in despair and got back into his car and drove off. Clearly he knew there would be no satisfaction gained from yelling at the dizzy girl so he left it!!!

Back to the parking. Often when you have come out of an establishment (this was silverbird cinemas on this particular day) you get into your car and it's immediately surrounded by the local talents claiming they helped you park and fought off a gang of car jackers on your behalf. Then you have to start looking for a suitable size tip for all their hard work. My driver usually directs me as to who the real "helpful" person was and then, if I have change, I give them a little something something. On this day in particular the chap was being terrible obnoxious and rude (they are borderline this all the time really they have an air of entitlement) my driver got so upset he finally told the guy to "clear out my friend, is it by force to give you money? What did you do" The guy was threatening us with never finding parking in the lasgiddy tristate area when my driver cut in with "Is this your land". I don't know why I thought this was so funny but I was laughing the whole way home.,