Sometimes the things you see while chilling in your car

Those of you who know me will know that I am no good to man, God or beast before noon. So messed up hormonally and otherwise am I in the hours before noon that I have to censor what I see and do.

Example. I do not read or watch the news before noon. Why? When I was working in London I, like every other commuter, used to devour the free METRO newspaper on my way into the office in the morning. I used to find however that I would be induced to TEARS (yes the shame) over some stupid human interest fodder that they had put in there. You know boy looses his life after saving little sister in fire etc etc!!!

Exhibit 2, I had to ban stupid channels like the Hallmark and the recently added to our MNet bouquet Universal channel. All those bloody tear jerking made for television movies with that chick from little house on the prairie used to do me in.

I don't know why this is but I respect it as so and I have taken steps to minimise my early morning traumas.

Imagine then if you will, I have dropped of the pickni at school, its about a quarter to 9 now and I am whizzing down Akin adesola when I see a guy in the central reservation. Whats wrong with that I hear you ask? Well I want to take you through the steps my poor, sluggish, hormonally challenged brain went through to the horrid conclusion. I first noted something was wrong because despite standing in the central reservation he did not have that "monitoring on coming traffic" look that one should have when caught in the central reservation. He had the Jacket and tie combo of someone who had somewhere to go but was acting like someone with nowhere to go. Then I noticed he had this vacant and rather disturbing look in his eye as we were passing him. This is where I explain that I was in a 4x4 so elevated off the ground and only observing him from the waist up. His vacant look though prompted me to take a closer look and that's when I saw it. When I say it I mean "it". He had his weaner out and was giving it a good work out right there in the central reservation!!! As an ex health professional I was wondering how this could be. This man had obviously had the wherewithal to get out of bed, put on a suit and head to work this morning...unless that is all part of his psychosis.
MY driver felt he had to explain the finer details of what the poor guy probably did to deserve such a fate. His fave theory was he must have slept with some Yoruba's mans wife (didn't know why he had to go tribal but that's the nature of the beast. I had no business engaging him in conversation).

Not sure what is upsetting me more, the fact that my drivers opinions are views of the vast majority (even my mama had some weird and wonderful theories) or that even if he gets picked up and taken to our psychiatric hospital he will probably be sedated for the rest of his time rather than "treated".