Le Detox

I would have written about this at the start of the detox but I have been so dizzy, disorientated and confused since I started that I have been unable to be concentrate enough to do so.

As you all may know the magazine I work for TW does a bi yearly weight loss challenge. 10 women get an all expenses paid 3 months at a swanky gym with 3 times a week personal training and a dietician. This is week 4 ish and Ms Dietician has put us all on a 3 day detox. Some brave souls have opted to do 5 days but, being the delicate flower that I am, I decided that baby steps were in order.

Anyway 6 pre made juices of various consistency (nasty things like beetroot and ginger have made an appearance) to be drunk every two hours and nothing else but water and lemon.

Suffice to say I am really really suffering right now. I love my food so this has really been hard. My head is always a little achy and I have had to cancel out any sudden movements due to my tendency to faint in a non delicate manner. I have also been falling asleep all over the place (yes I know I was prone to that already but its like 10 times worse).

No hanging out, no smoking , no eating, no drinking. I am not a happy bunny right now but I am gunning for Jessica Beale body so....
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Let's talk about the weather

A dear friend of mine once told me how she cannot understand the British obsession with the weather.
I tried to explain to her that the variability of the weather is what makes it such a hot topic. You can't step out of your house in England without knowing what may befall you later in the day. It determines your footwear, what kinda umbrella friendly bag you will be toting and how many extra layers of clothes you have to roll with.

"Yes" she says "I understand that, but why then do they feel the need to talk about the weather here?"

I think my argument at the time was that its generally known as a safe and "interesting" topic of small talk.

"If its raining, its raining, we can all see that...why do we have to talk about it"

This has been her stand for many years I would imagine but time and tides have changed.

I think that only a very self absorbed person has not managed to notice the absolute craziness that is the weather on our planet these days. I am a firm believer that this hole in the Ozone layer and global warming is to blame.

Most of my friends are inches deep in snow right now and from what I gather loving it (sheesh).

Yesterday Lagos experienced what could only be described as a freak WIND!! Blew in, minimal rain, 20 mins later it was gone.

Don't get me wrong I heard nothing. Nothing I tell you. I also did some running around and saw NOTHING. So imagine my surprise when my gym buddy wa
s running late due to trees having been blown down and blocking the rd.

I immediately go on twitter and get the general aftermath stories. Trees and road signs down, debris everywhere phone reception disruption etc etc

I then get a call from my dear friend.
"Odun, the roof blew off, I had no idea what was going on. I thought the end of days had come"
Poor thing was in all sorts of shock, coming out of a deep sleep to your roof flying off would have probably killed a lesser person.
I guarantee she spent the rest of the day talking about this errant wind.

Later reports came in that the Angels and Demons may have been having a bit of a tiff but I don't want to go into that too much.

Weather reports coming soon to a TV station near you!!
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Golden Oldie...With a Twist

Ginuwine's 'Pony is an oldie but goodie, still holding it down for baby-makin'-music songs all over the world. Rock group Far's rock dials down the sex just a touch, but it still is a great...bedroom banger.

Bad Girls

She is a bad muther--shut yo' mouth! MIA is the Sri Lankan/British rapper/mother who manages not to care while married to her billionaire heir husband. She is amazeballs. It is fun to watch her eerily dead eyes rap at you while she files her nails sitting on (not in, on!) a car travelling on two wheels.

Day light Robbery

I met a very interesting gentleman about 3 nights ago. He was regaling me about his theory on how the increase in petrol price had already led to an increase in robberies and bad manners.

He told of kidnapping in the fashion of Hollywood movies as our criminals got more inventive and daring. Any which way you look at it, it was all very alarming.

What I had not really contended with, yesterday morning on my way to collect my little madam from camp still in my pyjamas, was that naturally our other notorious criminal gang, the police, would have stepped up their game too.

They pray on confused looking people like myself. They are very aware that most women do not really take charge of their car registration. We either get our husbands (who usually have some guy they send to get it all done as we do) or their daddy's (ditto) or their drivers to do it. So when they ask for the particulars of the car the first thing you do is have a mini heart attack because you are not 100 % sure where it is. You poke around in the glove compartment and send up hot prayers. Relieved you pull out a pile of papers and hand them over. Dig around in your hand bag for your phone and drivers license at the same time. So at this point I literally want to enter the ground when he flings one of the papers at me and shouts "your insurance has expired"
Arrrrrrggghh I am thinking. How annoying.

Now he is in his element ranting on about impounding my darling car etc etc
I am calmly explaining how I am not going anywhere with him as my baby is in camp waiting to be picked up and he is welcome to come for the ride.

Anyway its money he wants and I whip it out as I am totally feeling he has me on the back foot. As I drive away I ask my nanny (who has been sitting there shell shocked this whole time) to look through the papers cos the rds are positively teaming with the police I notice. The next thing she notices and which that shady guy was holding in his hands, was the copy of my legit insurance.

Now I am fuming, cunning like a fox or shall I say criminal the "policeman" played me.

So sad living in a country when you don't even know who the criminals are..
They masquerade as our public officials and trusted figures. Horrid horrid horrid
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Smoker diaries

Its day nine now and I have been giving daily moans and groans on twitter and on my bb but here is the full summary.

I am totally miserable right now. I have had to give up cold turkey because, being the delicate flower that I am, I can't handle replacement therapy. Makes me feel nauseous and dizzy and rundown...(Seriously though I am one of those who has to take a nap on "non drowsy" antihistamines!!).

So how did I get that extra incentive you might ask? Well its an interesting story that starts at my dentist!! Stay with me it will make sense in a bit. He is looking in my mouth and making horrid tutting noises that make me tres ashamed. Going on like I don't know have to wield a toothbrush. He does some deep gum cleaning routine (which I googled after to ensure it was legit and not some made in Nigeria technique. It seemed so brutal. 6 injections to keep my gums numb etc!!). Then he puts me on some 6 months oral hygiene routine (which I must admit I have already fallen down on). Had to pop all kinds of painkillers and even got a check up call from mr dentist in the morning.

For some reason imagining my gums in the state of mince meat just made me think that smoking was just asking for mouth cancer soo I quit.

Now I have lost my voice because my body seems to be rejecting all things healthy.

This morning I was moaning to the boy about how I sound like a goose etc etc
He says "well its not like you are doing any thing for your throat"
"Yes I am"
"What"
"Erm I gave up smoking!! Dunno know what else I am supposed to do"

Sheeesh

So that's all folks!! I don't feel the benefits yet. I am still hacking up almost two decades of pollution.

Will keep you posted.
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Reading and Driving

I am not sure how clear this piccy is going to be but I saw this and had to share.

The cheeky, endangering our children, widow maker is reading and driving!!

Pet hate right there